Looking back on a bar mitzvah like no other

TALI FEINBERG

Although he is all grown up, works as a chartered accountant and is married with a baby, he is still known as “the boy who invited Nelson Mandela to his bar mitzvah”. Now, as the world celebrates the late president’s birth centenary and the anniversary of his release from prison, Joseph’s memories of meeting the great man remain vivid and powerful.

While he has told the story a thousand times, Joseph patiently explains how the most distinguished guest at his bar mitzvah came to be there: “It was 1996, halfway through Nelson Mandela’s presidency. I was handing out my bar mitzvah invitations and told my parents I wanted to drop one at Madiba’s house. My parents looked at me like I was mad and said ‘no’. So, I called my grandparents, who picked me up and took me to his house to give the invitation to the guard.”

Joseph remembers how he had written a note explaining what a bar mitzvah was, how much he admired the president, and why he wanted him to be there. He was hoping for a signed reply card wishing him Mazeltov, but instead, his parents received a phone call from Madiba’s office, asking more about the nature of a bar mitzvah and who their son was, and explaining the need for security. A number of phone calls later, it was relayed that Madiba had accepted the invitation, would arrive promptly at 8pm and stay for exactly 45 minutes.

“We told no one except the photographer and Rabbi Suchard – I don’t think he’s ever been so early for a bar mitzvah in his life! We had to share the guest list with security and allow them to sweep the room and post metal detectors outside,” continues Joseph. There were bodyguards and police vans around the block, and although guests suspected that the president was attending, no one believed it until he stepped into the room.

“There was a collective shriek,” recalls Joseph. Madiba was given an honoured seat at the main table between the young Joseph and his father, and the bar mitzvah continued as normal. During the horahs, he danced at the table in the way only he could, and welcomed the 13-year-olds rushing up to shake his hand.

“I gave a speech, telling him how much I admire him and that if he lowered the voting age to 13 he would have my vote, and how a bar mitzvah is similar to the coming of age in Xhosa culture. He then stood up and addressed everything I said, adding that Jews have always helped him and that the Jewish community as a whole has been so good to him.”

When the president took his leave, Joseph’s father told him what an honour it was that he had attended the simcha, to which Madiba responded: “Thank you for inviting me, it was an honour to be here.”

“It just shows what a humble man he was, and when I saw him a year later at King David, he clearly remembered my name and attending my bar mitzvah,” remembers Joseph.

How has the event affected his life? “It proved to me that anything is possible. It was a crazy thing to do, but it worked out. It showed that if you don’t try, you don’t get; and this has given me the confidence to aim for other goals in life. As President Mandela said: ‘It’s always impossible until it is done.’”

Joseph’s celebrity moment didn’t change how people treated him, but the story has become a key part of his identity. Even when he met his future wife, her family immediately knew he was that bar mitzvah boy – a good record if there ever was one! Nowadays, Joseph proudly displays in his office the photos of himself and Madiba, and is happy to share the story with anyone who asks, to which many people respond with disbelief.

“It was a different time then… I think Mandela responded to every letter he received, and anyone could go by his house to drop off a message,” reminisces Joseph. “But in later years he was sheltered from this, and apparently, after my bar mitzvah hundreds of people started inviting him to their functions! Imagine if Madiba attended a party today – with social media spreading the news, there would be a mob outside the hall! With my simcha, people only found out the next day.”

Joseph also feels that the late president’s visit to his simcha was an important moment for the Jewish community, showing how Mandela always took the opportunity to reach out. It also demonstrated Madiba’s ethos of connecting with all sections of South African society in a personal way.

In later years, Joseph dropped off books for Mandela to sign, which he always did. But he never saw him again. “He passed away on my first wedding anniversary, which was strange. Of course I was upset as I felt we had a connection, but he lived a good, long life. My experience with him showed his humility and what kind of man he was… that kind of leader doesn’t come around very often. I’m honoured to have met him, even if it was only for 45 minutes.”

As South Africa faces challenges, changes and tumultuous times ahead, Joseph feels that “we must remember this man, who affected all of our futures, and pull together as a country, which we learned from Madiba”.