Speak out against child abuse, says Frankel survivor

GILLIAN KLAWANSKY

In speaking up against Frankel decades after he abused her, Levenstein said she had managed to take back control of her life. With her lawyer, Ian Levitt, she helped amend South African law, abolishing the time limits that were imposed on reporting sexual abuse. Yet, Levenstein walked a long and traumatic road before spearheading what became known as the Frankel Eight case.

Levenstein was the keynote speaker at a special seminar on child abuse held at the HOD in Johannesburg last Sunday. The seminar was organised by Koleinu SA and Shalom Bayit.

Levenstein, who now lives in Israel, presented a raw account of her experience. “One in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they reach 18,” she said. “I didn’t escape these odds, and neither did my brother. It’s a silent epidemic. It’s carried out by men and women of every age and class, in our homes, our families, by trusted religious or community leaders, or by teachers we adore. Ninety three percent of the predators who abuse our children are known to us. Ninety percent of abused children will never report the abuse. That included me until a few years ago.”

From the age of about seven, Levenstein was sexually abused by Frankel. The abuse happened when Levenstein accompanied her best friend and other children to Frankel’s game farm.

“He was a relative of my friend’s family, and he was known to my parents. He was well respected, and he was praised in the community for all his philanthropic projects. He took us away and got us to trust and adore him, and ultimately groomed us and robbed us of our innocence. I and what I believe to be hundreds of children endured acts of sexual deviancy.

“The foundation of shame, humiliation, and unworthiness was laid in me, for days, then years, then decades,” she said. Focusing on healing others rather than herself, Levenstein became a nurse. Married at 23, she had three children. “I found the most perfect addiction, yiddishkeit [Jewish customs]. There, I was able to hide behind everything and pretend that everything was fine. I also developed an addiction to sleeping tablets. Seventy to ninety percent of sexual-abuse victims develop an addiction to alcohol or drugs.”

Visiting Israel in 2007, she had an epiphany, and moved her whole family “kicking and screaming” to live there. “Israel became the biggest blessing to me, but was also the most challenging move, as I was stripped of the support and comforts we’re used to in South Africa.

“My inadequacies came to the surface, and I knew there would be a change.” That change came when Levenstein was asked to take care of her friend’s three little boys as she had to take her fourth child to the hospital in the middle of the night. “She ushered me into their room, and told me to get in the bed with them as they were sleeping. I felt my entire body shut down as I got into that bed. I froze in fear. I knew this discomfort had to come to an end. I had a meltdown. I knew it was time to tell my secret. I had to ask for help, and drag the monster out into the light.”

With the help of attorney Ian Levitt she did just that, coming to South Africa to confront Frankel.

“I called him and his wife and was met with denials. I then approached [investigative magazine] Noseweek, and from there it snowballed into a public court case with eight abuse victims. When I confronted her about being oblivious at the time, my mother said, ‘In the 70s, nobody knew what a paedophile was.’ But today we do. Speaking up has set me free. Open the doors of communication with the people that you love so that one day, your children aren’t standing where I am.”

Chief Rabbi Dr Warren Goldstein also stressed the importance of communication as a necessary response to child abuse. “Silence is not an option,” he said. “The South African Jewish community is not immune. We’re human beings, and we’re no different to any other society. We need to move forward together to fight against abuse.”

To provide support to victims and families, Goldstein recently established an Abuse Review Board chaired by advocate Liza Segal. The board offers a safety net for community members who don’t get the help they need after pursuing the proper legal channels.

“To see these cases through to the end requires huge tenacity because of the system’s multiple obstacles, but it’s vital, it’s a mitzvah,” said Goldstein. “Turning away from one particular victim almost guarantees future victims. Those who are psychologically predisposed to abuse will continue to perpetrate these acts.” He also spoke of the importance of creating safe spaces for our community both at home and in communal places. “Together with Koleinu, we’re working on implementing this in shuls and schools to protect our children from abuse.”

“We don’t give children the vocabulary to say no to adults,” said child protection and development specialist Luke Lamprecht. “We need to give them the context in which to say no.”

Addressing the issue of secrecy and sexual abuse of children in the Jewish community, Lamprecht said: “Within the Jewish community, language around sex is a complex issue. The cases referred to me from within the community have primarily been young children who have been sexually harmed by older children.” In fact statistics across the board, said Lamprecht, show that close to 40% of sex offenders are children themselves. “When I talk to kids in the Jewish community, they don’t even have the words to express what’s happened to them. We need to teach our children what is good, normal, natural, and healthy. We need to teach them that intimacy is normal. Intimacy starts from a place in which we know how to talk to each other.”

Lamprecht stressed the importance of being an involved parent. “As parents, we are the greatest protective feature for our children in the world for everything – abuse, drugs, and so on. Parenting is not a substitutable position. Children learn how people are treated within romantic relationships from their parents first, by watching how you and your spouse or partner treat each other. Children will do what we do, not what we say.”

Lamprecht also emphasised the importance of speaking up. In numerous religious communities, including the Jewish community, he said many people protected religious leaders or important people, believing that they go against their faith by speaking up. “We need to give the children the skills, vocabulary, and knowledge that abuse is never OK, and that we as their parents will stand up for them. For too long have we colluded with the silence that is the power of abuse.”

Rozanne Sack, the co-founder of Koleinu SA, stressed the importance of open communication with your children. “Kids won’t tell unless they’ve been taught to,” she said. “Say that you’ll listen to them, they can tell you anything, nothing is too terrible. You’ll believe them no matter what. Say, ‘It’s my most important job to keep you safe’.”

• For support and resources in dealing with child abuse, visit www.koleinusa.co.za