It’s hard to tell your GOAT from your Gucci – unless you’re dope

JORDAN MOSHE

If you understood that, then you are on top of the world of teenage slang. But it’s changing so fast, this might already be outdated.

With new words cropping up daily and definitions shifting almost hourly, it’s not easy to stay ahead of the curve and know your GOAT from your Gucci. And, if you think we’re referring to the animal and the brand, bad news for you. The former means “greatest of all time”, and the latter is simply fabulous.

From social media to everyday conversations, the jargon of popular slang dominates Generation Z exchanges. This group, who were born between 1997 and 2015, accounts for roughly 25% of the population. Also known as the iGeneration or post-millennials, it’s defined by smartphones and social media.

Members of this generation are native denizens of the internet, have grown up in a hyper-connected world, and have developed their own language to navigate life. Their language is mostly tied into the media culture they’ve grown up with.

Their parents, siblings, and teachers all struggle to understand them. It’s no different in the Jewish community. From Yeshiva College to the King Davids, you can be sure that kids are communicating in what sounds like a foreign tongue to most of us.

Sometimes they enhance their words with a distinctly South African or even Jewish twist, making following their exchanges enlightening, entertaining, and sometimes downright bizarre.

If you’re 16, linguistically fashionable, and Jewish, your vocabulary probably looks something like this. If you’re not, you might find the accompanying bracketed translations helpful.

Whatever your age, if you’re dope, you can rest easy because you’re cool (a word we avoid like the plague nowadays). This could be for any number of reasons. Perhaps your makeup could be on fleek (perfect), your outfit dripping (fashionable) or you’re looking like a snack (attractive). Reserve this last one for non-family members only, though, otherwise it’s wack (weird).

You could also be dope because your memes are dank (high quality). Rather than being damp or clammy, this means they’re so good that they might even be fire (extremely cool). Try too hard to impress, however, and you’ll be branded extra (over the top), and could even be cancelled (ruled off) by your mates because you’re just too much (excessive). Best try to keep it low key, and you can safely assume you’ll be invited to the next party.

On the subject of parties, every host knows a lit (amazing) gathering from a shwet (terrible) one. Your event could be so lit that it is elevated to full-blown tilt (incredible), and your reputation for throwing the event of the year could cement your status as the GOAT, or greatest of all time. Fail to provide a memorable party, and you’ll leave your guests shook (shocked), and they may even go tilt (mad) on Twitter about being so done with you. Yes, tilt can mean something good or bad, so be sure to grasp the context in which it’s being used, or you’ll be sorry.

If your party is a success, however, you might find some people are salty (jealous/upset) because of the clout (following) you’re getting online. Just ignore the haters, though, because your dawgs (friends) have told you that your party was so Gucci (good), they’ve decided to ship (pair) you with that girl that everyone was clocking (checking out) at school last week. Not only is she thicc (voluptuous), but apparently she’s woke (intellectual and socially aware), and knows her politics from her polygons. With her brains and your guns (muscles), you’d be the on fleek couple.

Be careful, though. There’s another oke who’s keen on her, and he could be triggered (offended) when he hears that you’ve got your eye on “his” chick. Of course, you want to avoid confrontation, but your girl is so nxa (nice) that you would do anything to keep her away from that groen (gross) bro whose taste in sneakers means he deserves to be roasted (insulted) by everyone at school.

Unfortunately, your competition is quite swole (muscular), as he trains his guns at gym more often than you do. He comes over to you in the corridor and goois (throws) a good klap at your face, leaving you with a black eye that people are going to chirp (tease) you about for weeks. You won’t take this lying down, however, and with a cry of “Yeet!” (an exclamation few can actually define) you fling your deadass (seriously) heavy bag at his face and shmaak (give) him a blow that people will be tweeting about for weeks to come. “I’m dead (amused),” your mate shouts as he lags (laughs) his lungs out at the oke who dared to pull up on your block (fight).

Your war wound has earned you a few oofs of sympathy, a week of detention, and hectic trouble with the fam at home. Your mother goes full tilt (in the negative sense) at you about your eye, and your sis is quite shook about the fight when you give her the deets (details). You’ll have to put up with a lot of banter in class for a while, but it’s all worth it. You’re absolutely fazoned (exhausted) as you get into bed, but yita eyra (OMG), it’s been a day to remember.

Don’t feel bad if you understood very little of the above. I’m not quite sure I understood it all myself.