Gang rape: what’s wrong with our boys

It pains me to write this. It pained me to speak about it on my show, and even more so to discuss it with my family. It would be much easier to ignore it completely, and hope to never hear of it again. But some stories need to be discussed and understood whether we like it or not.

The recent event that is said to have taken place in Eilat is one of them. That up to 30 men allegedly stood in line outside a hotel room in order to take turns with an intoxicated 16-year-old child woman, is not something that we can afford to ignore.

Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu called it a “crime against humanity”, and has demanded a full enquiry into the incident. Expressions of outrage and horror were echoed across the political spectrum as well as within civil society along with calls for the harshest of punishment to be meted out. But to my mind that’s not even the half of it.

The enquiry needs to begin further back. Very simply, what went wrong with the education of these boys or men that could allow them to behave the way that they did? And what does it say about the lessons and the values they have absorbed?

Consider the 2019 case at the Ayia Napa holiday resort in Cyprus, where a group of Israelis were suspected of raping a British tourist. The British tourist was ultimately found guilty of lying about the alleged attack, but has stood by her account of the 2019 incident, saying Cypriot police gave her no choice other than to retract her claim.

All 12 of the Israelis were initially arrested, but were released after police said the woman retracted the rape allegations. They all returned to Israel, and were greeted with scenes of celebration. Some of the young men even donned kippot in gratitude as they were reunited with their families. The footage was, in my view, extremely distasteful. There was little in their behaviour that warranted celebration. On the contrary. They did no one proud. Least of all their religion.

Consider further the separate case in which two Israeli soccer players were suspected of statutory rape earlier this year, and there can be little doubt that it’s time to acknowledge that there is a problem. And it’s a serious one.

Although these incidents took place in secular Israeli society, there are also incidents of abuse in the religious sector. It seems that Israel, like many other countries, needs to face up to the fact that greater education is demanded, and that families need to take responsibility for the education of their boys.

The situation in terms of gender-based violence back home in South Africa is even more dire. It matters not if it is Women’s Month or any other time. Women are at risk. And it is the men who are placing them in this position. One way in which we can begin to address this, is to begin to address it. Whether it’s comfortable or not. Whether it pains us or it doesn’t. If we don’t have these conversations with our children at home, we might be having them outside of it.