From Herzlia, with love

For many Cape Town Jewish couples, United Herzlia Schools (UHS) was not only where they got their primary education, but the place they met their bashert (soulmate).

As Herzlia celebrates its 80th anniversary this year, it can look back on being the launchpad for many relationships that started as strong friendships, be it on the playground, in the hallways, or at the matric dance.

Most alumni who became couples were in the same year at school, and say that the time together at Herzlia has given their union an unshakeable foundation. Many now have children in the Herzlia system, so the school is an integral part of their story, from generation to generation.

Matthew Gruzd is chairperson of UHS – the culmination of a long history with the school for him and his wife, Carri (née Sennett), who is also a lay leader at the school.

Describing their relationship as one of “childhood sweethearts”, Gruzd says, “Carri and I met at the start of what was then Standard 6. It was my first year at Herzlia, having moved to Cape Town from Johannesburg. We were in the same year and matriculated in 1996, During our school years, we were the best and worst of friends – typical adolescents, with long nights on the phone. We briefly dated at school, and started dating seriously in our first year of university.

“In spite of our relationship becoming more formal at university, we had loved one another for a lot longer.” They got married in 2005, and live in Cape Town with their two children who are both at Herzlia Weizmann.

Going to school together gave their relationship a strong foundation because, “our friendship allowed us to develop a profound understanding of each other”.

Asked if he thinks the Jewish education they received at Herzlia has given him and his wife a similar outlook, he responds, “There’s no question [about this]. While at school, we had no idea how valuable our Jewish education would be in terms of how we live, where we live, and the life choices we make regarding our family.”

Many people feel Cape Town is too small to meet a Jewish partner, but Gruzd says, “You only need ‘the one’ – be vulnerable, and take a risk. Cape Town has great people. If you do find someone from outside, make sure to bring them back to Cape Town and grow our community.”

The Gruzds say that the most important values in a relationship are, “Always be honest, even when it’s hard, love fiercely, and be kind to each other, and never take today for granted – it’s a gift, and we don’t know what tomorrow will bring.”

The couple emphasises that, “Herzlia has given us and our children so much. It’s a massive part of our community, and like a loved one, can make us laugh and cry. Herzlia wouldn’t be much without our community and conversely, our community wouldn’t be much without Herzlia.”

Abigail Smith says that she and her now-husband, Ryan Epstein, “Were best friends from the end of Standard 3. Ryan was at Herzlia Highlands, and I was at Herzlia Weizmann. We met on Clifton 4th beach. We connected immediately, and spent the rest of school as close friends.” They both matriculated in 1999.

It was only when they were students that the realised they were in love. “We started dating at university at the end of our second year. We spent so much time together at university and shared and enjoyed doing the same things. One day we realised that we were in love and wanted to be together,” recalls Smith. The couple got married in 2010, and live in Cape Town with their son who is at Herzlia Alon Ashel.

Asked if they feel that going to school together gave their relationship a strong foundation, Smith says, “Definitely. We still laugh until we cry about funny things that happened at school or at machaneh [camp]. We didn’t just go to school together – we were best friends at school. Sports tours, Judaica club, projects, school plays. Our childhood and teen years happened together, so we have shared memories and silly private jokes that are still going 20 years on. We both loved school, and loved our time at Herzlia. We took everything we could from our time at school.”

The couple are still close to many of their peers from their Herzlia days. “It’s amazing, we have a massive, beautiful group of friends from school. We are close, and so are our kids.”

Lori Joffe (née Berelowitz) clearly remembers meeting her now-husband, Dean, when they both arrived at Herzlia Middle School. They were friends from then on, and decided to go to their matric dance together in 2004. Just two weeks later, they began their relationship. “We’ve been inseparable ever since,” says Lori. “I would definitely say we were high-school sweethearts.” They were married in 2016, and live in Cape Town with their one-year-old son.

Going to school together “gives you a history of your partner that you might not otherwise have if you met later in life”, they say. They retain a large group of school friends, some of which they have been close to for more than 20 years, and who are g-dparents to their son.

Dean says his time at Herzlia was fundamental to where he is today. “Herzlia helped me to develop my career. The school gave me the ability to learn in my field of audiovisual technology, and invested in that. I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in today if it wasn’t for Herzlia.”

The couple say that to them, the most important values in a relationship are, “Communication, respect, trust, sharing responsibility, helping each other out, and showing gratitude.”