Rabbi pays it forward with life-saving kidney

A few minutes before undergoing life altering surgery, two men laid eyes on each other for the very first time and burst into tears of hope and relief.

This was the moment when Johannesburg businessman Rabbi Mark Friedman, an altruistic kidney donor, met the recipient of his soon to be donated left kidney in one of the hospital wards at the Wits Donald Gordon Medical Centre this week.

It was emotional, said the handful of people present, when Friedman, 41, was ushered into the recipient’s ward on 15 November to embrace him before they were both wheeled into the four-hour-long surgery.

They had waited for this moment for several years: Friedman finally to do the ultimate good deed; and his anonymous recipient to receive an organ granting him the chance of a normal life.

Friedman’s selfless journey started about 12 years ago, when his beloved father, Aubrey, was diagnosed with acute kidney disease. The future looked bleak.

“It was a dark time for our family, it was excruciating,” said Friedman this week a day before his surgery. “It was very difficult watching him suffer every day and seeing him slowly deteriorate, literally dying slowly before us, from a potentially reversible condition.”

Friedman, who was a young man when his father was diagnosed, and his two older brothers, felt desperate when they discovered that they weren’t able to help their father, knowing that a matched kidney wouldn’t just save their father’s life, it would afford him a normal life free from dialysis and despair.

“As much as my dad protested, I tested to see whether I could be a potential match, but sadly, we weren’t matched,” he said. It was a huge disappointment for the family because they were mindful that there weren’t many others willing to raise their hand to do so.

Meanwhile, dialysis was brutal on their father, who grew weaker each day.

In a bid to help, Lance Abramson of Hatzolah started the Life2Life programme, which tried to find a community based donor for Aubrey. When this proved difficult, the family searched further afield. Miraculously, he was matched with a frum man in Williamsburg, New York, who donated his kidney to Aubrey, who has never looked back.

“The transplant saved my dad’s life, and completely transformed my family’s life. Doctors told my father he didn’t have much longer to live. The transplant has given us years of life with our dad,” Friedman said.

He said his parents spent months in New York for the operation and recovery, and were adopted by the Crown Heights community during their stay.

The grateful Friedman family gifted the American altruistic donor, Chaim Yosef Sterngold, 29, at the time of the operation with an artwork of the grandchildren’s hand prints.

Friedman visited his father in New York and while there, put himself forward should a future patient be in need of a kidney. When he returned to South Africa, he received a call from Abramson saying that there was someone in the community in desperate need of a kidney and asking if he would still be keen to donate.

“Definitely, absolutely,” Friedman said, relieved to give back following his father’s successful return to health.

“I knew the effects of dialysis. My father went into renal failure and suffered for years. He was constantly sick, and had no quality of life. He would have dialysis three times a week for hours and would feel terrible. There was a lack of hope and despair because there’s this feeling you are living on borrowed time and the clock is ticking,” said Friedman.

“No one needed to convince me that I needed to be that hope, that change for someone,” he said.

Friedman and his recipient were matched a while ago, but several factors delayed the process including the onset of COVID-19.

“We finally got the go ahead, and I’m grateful because this has been on my mind for years,” he said.

Though he didn’t know the identity of the recipient until moments before surgery, he had been given his Hebrew name in order to pray for him.

Friedman said he decided to go public with his story to raise awareness of the millions of people worldwide who suffer from this debilitating illness.

“Unlike other diseases which are incurable, kidney disease can be treated extremely successfully and through kidney donation, a person is given a new lease of life.

“My father always gave the impression that he was fine, but he told us after his transplant that in spite of putting on a brave face, he was losing hope.

“When a complete stranger gave my father one of his kidneys, it saved his life and changed ours forever. This act of selflessness has inspired me to pay it forward. This is my way of closing the circle,” said Friedman.

Well known American rabbi, Dr Shmuly Yanklowitz, the president and dean of Valley Beit Midrash in Phoenix, Arizona, and the founder and president of Uri L’Tzedek, a Jewish social justice organisation, also donated a kidney in 2015.

Yanklowitz, who has visited South Africa twice, explained why he did it. “I felt that my enormous gratitude to be alive and healthy gave me a spiritual opportunity to pass forward the kindness to someone else in need.”

He said that since his donation, he has felt well. “I have been healthy and deeply energised by opportunities to talk to countless others about their religious and philosophical explorations into kidney donation.”

He keeps in contact with his recipient.

“Yossi was a stranger. He’s a young Israeli man who was really struggling. We met for the first time right before they wheeled us into surgery, and we both hugged and broke down crying. We have remained connected, and consider ourselves soul brothers and indeed, blood brothers. I feel so grateful that G-d placed a kidney in me that was meant for him.”

Yanklowitz has a book coming out titled, The 5-Ounce Gift A Medical, Philosophical & Spiritual Jewish Guide to Kidney Donation.

The Life2Life organisation which helped Rabbi Friedman and his recipient was founded about six years ago to raise awareness of blood and organ donation within the Jewish community.

“This includes the donation of blood, platelets, bone marrow, kidney donation, and organ donation from a deceased person,” said Abramson.

The organisation runs blood and stem-cell drives, and has three kidney patients in need of altruistic donors.

Abramson, who was present at the hospital during the operation, said the surgery had run smoothly and doctors were pleased with the progress of donor and recipient.

Friedman said earlier this week that his wife, Nicki, had been “incredibly supportive and encouraging”, and their three children, Danielle, 13, David, 10, and Yakira, 8, who had felt nervous about it in the beginning, were now supportive.

“We have all learnt so much. My children are aware that they have a zaida now because someone else did this for him.”