Bullies and bystanders

When something happens on your watch or on your property, can you refuse to accept responsibility for it because you weren’t intrinsically involved in it?

That’s exactly what the University of Cape Town (UCT) did this week, when it allowed representatives from known terrorist organisations to sprout hatred, albeit online, on its campus.

The organisations, Hamas and the Palestinian Islamic Jihad, are both listed as terrorist organisations by Australia, Canada, the European Union, Israel, Japan, the United Kingdom, and the United States.

Both are clear in their determination to destroy the Jewish state and its people. In fact, when hundreds of rockets are launched from Gaza into Israel, it’s invariably one of these two organisations behind the attacks. Their intention: to kill as many Jews as possible.

However, at the university where so many members of our community got their degrees and have sent their children, this was disregarded because it was simply not an official UCT event.

Perhaps we might understand it slightly if the South African Union of Jewish Students and the Cape Jewish Board of Deputies hadn’t made urgent calls to the university – including the acting vice-chancellor – to stop this hateful event before it happened. So, the university cannot claim it didn’t know about it.

Surely, the university is aware of the dangers this poses to Jewish students? Wouldn’t this make it a little more sensitive about holding such an event, at which there were but a handful of people?

Was it really worth it for the university? Is this what freedom of expression is about – allowing terrorists to spread hatred on campus?

It’s Israeli Apartheid Week, and every year, we expect an anti-Israel hate fest. We expect students to voice their support for the Palestinian cause. That’s their right, as it’s the right of Jewish and other people to counter it.

It’s not okay, however, to bring representatives of terrorist organisations to speak on campus. Yes, I know it was online, but what difference does that make? They are live, visible, and spewing hatred. Whether they do it in the flesh or via a camera, it’s just as unacceptable.

I hope the university rethinks its decision, and ensures that this never happens again. We don’t need to put a match to the kindling on UCT campus, and we do need to do everything in our power to protect all our students.

We won’t be bullied into keeping quiet when the situation is so utterly unacceptable.

Bullying isn’t just a political problem, it’s a daily activity harming our children. So much so, that the chief rabbi has taken up the cudgels to help stop it.

Though some children are fortunate to go through life without being bullied, there are so many whose lives can be tainted or even destroyed by bullies.

In my youth, bullies called you names at school or beat you up on the school playground. Perhaps they would follow you home and harass you outside of the school grounds so it wasn’t so public.

The point is: bullying was visible. And at some point, the school, teachers, or parents witnessed it and could potentially act on it – whether they did or didn’t do so.

But today, bullying is practically invisible. You may see the signs of it only in the impact it has on a bullied child’s personality and the way they behave.

For the most part, it happens on social media and on devices. It’s not a physical thing, but emotional and psychological torture.

And though other children or teens are aware of it, they may not do anything to stop it out of fear of the bullies turning on them. Either that, or they carry the shame of not having stopped the bullying for so long, they just let it be. Others have witnessed the bullying for so long, they don’t realise how damaging it is.

It takes so little for someone to be selected for bullying. A kid accidentally breaks wind in front of others and becomes known as the smelly child and harassed and bullied indefinitely. If you had to ask the children who bully him why they block their noses when he walks by or spray deodorant at him when he passes, they probably won’t be able to remember. But the child carries the stigma of body odour. It can leave a lifetime of scars.

Many children don’t fit the traditional mould. They can be quirky, have learning issues, and not always say the right thing. And they get excluded from parties, arrangements on weekends, WhatsApp groups, and fun at school. They may be taunted or, worse, just ignored.

These children are likely to grow up thinking that there’s something wrong with them, carrying a shame that’s unwarranted.

The point is, it has to stop.

Just recently in our community, we know of two teenagers who took their lives, and we have been led to believe that it was because they could no longer deal with the bullying they endured.

Children leave schools to get away from bullies.

The schools themselves are often held responsible by the parents, but the bullying isn’t generally visible to teachers. And those bullied often don’t seek help from the powers that be at the schools because they feel such shame.

The solution starts from home, and with all of us. We must accept responsibility for our children who bully – if they do – and we need to teach our children that no form of bullying is acceptable.

We live in a country where bullying is almost a norm, and we’re the only ones who can change this.

We have experts who can help, but we need to teach our children how to curb and stop bullying when they see others being subjected to it.

I recall a story told to me by a fabulous man who was in my year at school. He had been seriously bullied. He sought out a very popular older boy, who was kind, and asked him for help. The older kid warned the bullies – in no uncertain terms – to leave his friend alone and threatened them that they might regret it if they did it again. It worked.

There are ways of curbing bullying, but it isn’t easy when you’re facing it. Because of this, it’s important to seek help, even if it is from an older child.

Shabbat Shalom!

Peta Krost

Editor