Achieving excellence against all the odds

TALI FEINBERG

While some children sail through school, a large number have to fight tooth and nail to make it through their primary education. On recognising their children are battling, parents get fearful and some go into denial. However, it is vitally important for them to be loving and supportive, and to find the right school path for their particular child.

“Research has shown that a bedrock of good early attachment relationships with caregivers goes a long way to promoting resilience,” says clinical psychologist Leanne Stillerman Zabow. This is evident in all three examples of the children listed below who have succeeded in spite of having learning issues at school.

Stillerman Zabow says that even if a child is born with a temperament that is not particularly resilient, “if the parents provide a sensitive, responsive caregiving environment, it goes a long way in moulding a child to being a well-adjusted individual”.

“If the environment fits the child’s unique needs, those people born with difficult temperaments can even surpass those with easy going temperaments,” she says.

And, even if a child has a difficult early environment, it is essential to keep showing them love and care, and find what it is they need. “Their personality is developing well into adolescence, so there are window periods [in which] we can intervene to provide right support.”

Stillerman Zabow says that schools, parents, and teachers need to recognise that there are multiple kinds of intelligence, and cater to those strengths. In addition, if we want our children to have tenacity, as parents and teachers, we have to have the resilience to help them along their journey.

Finally, de-stigmatisation goes a long way to helping young people find their way. Supporting them in getting the help they need, and facing their issues head on, are ways to turn things around and stop children with challenges from “falling through the cracks”.

CHRISTINA VAN KAMP

“I just finished my matric exams, and they went really well!” says Christina van Kamp. “I concentrated, focused, and achieved what I wanted to… I worked really hard!”

“Christina was adopted by my step mom as a baby. Her adoptive dad then passed away, leaving them with nothing,” says her step-sister, Sasha.

“They moved back to Cape Town to give her mom an opportunity to find work. Her mom met my dad when Christina was six, and they soon moved in with us. By then, Christina had already had a tumultuous childhood, and when placed in a school in Constantia, she was thrown off even more.”

Sasha’s father then made the life-changing decision to place Christina at Herzlia in Constantia, where she was soon discovered to be a stellar soccer player and athlete.

“Her academics, however, were far below where they needed to be. She managed to pass Grade 7 and was sent off to middle school, where they enlisted a facilitator for her.”

Christina describes Herzlia as a “fully inclusive school”, making it the ideal environment to support students of all abilities.

She thrived on the support she was given. Her efforts have since been acknowledged in an award received at her recent valedictory, the Jane and Ellie Lison Award, for “showing considerable development in her approach to her schooling, and achieving excellent results in her studies”.

It comes in the form of a trophy with five blue stars – perfect acknowledgement of a young girl who fought every step of the way to get to where she is today.

Christina will spend five months on kibbutz in Israel next year. “When I come back, I want to work with children. I’m also passionate about sport, so maybe coaching or teaching.” With her strength of character and determination, her future looks bright.

ROMI MALLOON

Romi Malloon has just completed her third year of teacher training –  something she never dreamed she would achieve.

“I was born with severe attention deficiency hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). As a child, I was a bully and as a teenager, I was bullied. I struggled academically and socially throughout school,” she says.

Although she failed most subjects from Grade 7 upwards, she was continually pushed to the next grade. But, she felt unsupported by teachers, and had few friends. At the beginning of Grade 10, she hit rock bottom. She was suicidal and anorexic.

Yet somehow, she pushed through, and at the end of Grade 10, her principal said the school believed in her, even if she didn’t believe in herself. This was when her mindset began to change, and as matric exams grew closer, she began to work, teaching herself to study in a way that worked for her.

“I got a tutor, and we grafted. We did past paper after past paper. All we did was work. After she left, I would work through the night,” Romi says. In spite of this, her matric prelims did not go well.

Yet, when it came to finals, she was confident. “From failing every year, I passed everything, and just missed [getting] two distinctions.” She was accepted to study teaching at Varsity College, and is one year away from getting her qualification. After that, she wants to specialise in teaching autistic children. “I’ve had these dreams since Grade 10, and I’m finally achieving them,” she says.

DYLAN BOURNE

When it was announced that Dylan Bourne would be head boy of his school, parents Tim and Vanessa sobbed with joy and disbelief. His achievement comes after a life-long battle with epilepsy and its effects, including depression, isolation, fear, and academic issues.

“Dylan was diagnosed with epilepsy when he was four,” says Vanessa. The condition runs in the family. Soon after Dylan was diagnosed, he was put on all sorts of medication that had an impact on his development, his personality, and his future.

“The medication made his hands shake, so he often wrote with great difficulty. This meant he would fall behind in school, and he needed support,” says his mom.

Unfortunately, his school did not offer support to the family. “I believe we should judge a school by how it handles its most vulnerable. This school literally told me, ‘he doesn’t belong here’ and ‘he’s the one who is making himself different’,” Vanessa says.

Dylan was placed at a remedial school where he thrived at first, but then the bullying started. In addition, as a child, he was under the impression that the medication he took for epilepsy would cure him, but as he grew older, he realised that this was not the case.

By the time he was a teenager, epilepsy had become his enemy, leading to fear, loathing, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

It was recommended that he be placed in a facility for teenagers in crisis. He was unsure at first, but soon realised that he needed help, and agreed to be checked in. While it is every parent’s nightmare to discover that their child is in such a dark place, the family accepted that this was the only way forward.

When Dylan checked out after two weeks, he was a changed boy, with increased confidence. He had made peace with his epilepsy.

His parents also found the ideal school for him, which focuses on skills instead of academics, and their son thrived. “He has found a passion for cooking, swimming, and archery, his marks have gone up, he has new friends, and the school has zero tolerance for bullying.”

The family is involved in the Cape Town Progressive Hebrew Congregation, where Vanessa has taught cheder on Shabbat every week for ten years. She feels this weekly shul time has given it the stability and support it needed at the toughest of times. “It’s wonderful to go to a place where there is love, support, and no judgement,” she says.

As his school’s head boy, Vanessa feels that Dylan “really has an opportunity to make a difference. He can help his peers be comfortable around people with epilepsy, and demonstrate true empathy for others who are different.

“Our sincere wish is that Dylan’s story will give parents and young people hope that one can overcome one’s challenges.”