An inability to say no – and other bad habits of burnout

OWN CORRESPONDENT

What inspired you to write this book?

My clients. Over the past few years, I began to recognise that many of my clients had many of the symptoms of burnout I suffered from in the past. It led me to research burnout, and create a coaching approach to recovery and resilience. There are many, many books which talk about burnout, but they largely describe what the symptoms are and give advice about how to recover from it. I haven’t come across any that clearly explain why we get burnout. There is no guidance to help readers understand the underlying behaviour, thoughts, and fears that drive us to push ourselves into a state of exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed.

What burnout have you seen as a coach?

Many people think burnout is something experienced only by suit-wearing, stressed-out executives working in the corporate environment. This isn’t true. I have worked with clients who are doctors, journalists, teachers, stay-at-home moms, and students. The range of people who suffer from burnout is huge. What they do have in common, however, is that they struggle with boundaries. They find it hard to say no, ask for help, and know when to stop. I firmly believe burnout results not from doing too much, but from doing too much or too many of the things that are wrong for us.

What could you have done to prevent burnout?

I could have had better boundaries, kept proper working hours, and built the semi-permeable membrane I speak about in the book which allows us to let in and keep in the good things, and let out and keep out the bad.

I could have asked for help, not just when I was feeling overwhelmed and out of control, but a general loosening of my tight grip would have been beneficial. I could have said no to the things I didn’t want to do, and yes to the things I did. I could have got more rest.

How will I know if I’m experiencing burnout?

You will experience some or all of the following symptoms or feelings:

• Craving sugar, caffeine, carbohydrates, and salt;
• Waking up feeling exhausted;
• Not wanting to see the people, and do the things that usually bring you pleasure;
• Feeling a general lack of enthusiasm about your life;
• Heightened emotions: more easily irritated, upset, sad, and resentful than usual;
• Social withdrawal; and
• Questioning life choices.

Paradoxically, while burnout makes it feel as if our life force is diminished, it simultaneously amplifies many of our responses. What might have made us slightly irritable before burnout can send us into a white-hot rage. Instead of nibbling a square of chocolate after supper, we demolish a whole bar. Instead of feeling a little bit tired after mental or physical exertion, we feel flattened. The things that used to make us feel a little bit sad become devastating. Tiny sniffles are fast-tracked to bronchitis or pneumonia.

How can we avoid it?

The same way we recover from it: by having good boundaries, by saying no to things that don’t serve us, by asking for help whenever and wherever we can, and by getting as much rest as possible.

I have a seven-step tool called SPANNER. If you do these seven steps every day, you will soon feel better, and you will keep burnout at bay:

S = Self. Find and honour yourself through self-care, self-love, self-compassion, becoming self-centred, and self-actualised.

P = Peace and quiet. We all need quiet time, time to rest, relax, meditate, journal, sleep. Preferably in silence.

A = Ask, accept, and allow. You can make your life so much easier when you allow yourself to ask for and to receive help, love, advice, compliments, feedback, and anything else positive that is offered.

N = Nourish. Nourish your body, mind, and soul by eating nourishing food, thinking nourishing thoughts, and doing nourishing things.

N = No! A sense of being overwhelmed is caused by having too many things on our plate.

Remember that “no to someone else is a yes to me” and that “no is a full sentence”.

E = Exercise. Gentle exercise lets oxygen in and stress out, releases adrenaline, and gets the blood flowing. It helps you sleep better, and improves your appetite for healthy food.

R = Relationships, rest and relaxation. Reinvest in the relationships that nourish you – pay them the time, attention and effort that they (and you) deserve. Make sure you get enough sleep and relaxation time to recharge your batteries.

What part does our environment play?

Both our macro and micro environments play a huge role in burnout. The world at large is a very unrelaxing place to be. Politics, the economy, and communities are all under enormous pressure to survive. It can be a very unsupportive place. Closer to home, we have work pressure, social pressure, financial pressure and, often following on from these pressures, tension and conflict in our relationships. When our lives are so filled with tension and stress, it’s harder to do the right things for ourselves, and say no to the things that are bad for us or that we don’t want to do.

Describe your experience of writing this book.

I first discussed the idea of a book on burnout with Louise Grantham, my publisher, eight years ago, but it didn’t feel like the right time. Instead, I developed a series of e-Courses that tested out some of my ideas and tools in written form, and which formed the skeleton of what is now Recover from Burnout. Halfway through last year, I felt inspired to approach Louise again, and she was still keen. In fact, she said she had been waiting for it for eight years!

What do you hope to achieve with the book?

I wanted to help people understand why we get burnout in order to prevent it rather than just respond to it. I hope that I have achieved a book that describes some of the thoughts, fears and habits that drive us to push ourselves into burnout, and provides practical tools to change those drivers.

How does burnout affect the South African economy?

Because it erodes purpose and passion, burnout has a negative impact on productivity when we are at work. And, left untreated, it can progress into a range of acute and chronic illnesses that result in frequent or prolonged absence from work.

Of perhaps more concern is the potential for a skills and experience vacuum. Many of the people who experience burnout are the same people who are responsible for delivering the majority of the results in their places of work. When – not if – these people leave their jobs, either to seek less stressful pastures or because they have been booked off sick, they leave a gap that is extremely difficult to fill. This is particularly true in the public service where I do much of my work. We cannot afford to turn a blind eye to the threat that burnout represents to future productivity and the health of our economy.

• Judy Klipin lives in Johannesburg, and has been a practising life coach for 12 years. Prior to that, she worked in policing education, and as a consultant in crime and violence prevention. She has written two books, “Recover from Burnout” and “Recover from your Childhood”.