Being a daughter where family has gone

MOIRA SCHNEIDER

“Who will spend time with my mother? Who will take care of her idiosyncrasies? Who is going to listen to her goings on about how she used to be such a fabulous dancer in her youth and how she and my dad could have taken on Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers?”

This was the concern of one woman who left South Africa with her immediate family because her husband – who had been out of work for almost a year – had managed to get a good job in Australia.

“My mother refused to come with and I know we won’t be able to come visit very often. I go cold when I think about her back in Johannesburg,” said the woman, who asked not to be named, but is one of many, many in this situation. So many Jewish elderly people have “been left behind”.  

Two sisters, Desray Conné and Marissa Greenberg have picked up on this dire need to help and care for elderly people. They have taken on the need for “Daughters on Loan”, which is what they called their company. The two found themselves at a crossroads in their working lives, when they decided to combine their experience and expertise in this venture.

Greenberg had worked in public relations, office management and had run a recruitment division for a change management consultancy and Conné had always worked in finance. They had always worked for bosses and now wanted to branch out on their own.

They got the idea from personal experience. “Desray’s parents-in-law were moving and selling up after living in their home for 30 years,” Greenberg recalls. “They could have been taken advantage of if it weren’t for the family being around.”

This got them wondering how people coped if their families were overseas or if they had no family in this city. And so, some two months ago, their concierge service for seniors was born.

One woman, Jeanette Fur, 79, who lives in Highlands House in Cape Town, says: “Words are completely inadequate (to describe the sisters). I’m a widow and I’m not always that well – they’ve just gone out of their way, (even if it is) just phoning to say ‘How are you? What can we do for you today?’ They’re caring and they show it – it means a helluva lot.”

For her daughter, California-based Ericka Fur, the women have been “a godsend. Nothing is too much to ask. They get things done with care and compassion and heart. I could not ask for more. 

“They also have a lovely way of making my mom feel visible. Too often elderly people are condescended to or ignored, with people talking to their children/carers without even properly acknowledging them. The sisters are very sensitive to that and my mom has appreciated their approach,” she says.

Since Jeanette no longer drives, the pair has stepped into the breach. “Marissa and Desray have really helped, not only by providing her rides, but also company, care and reassurance.”

The word concierge is critical to an understanding of what Daughters on Loan offers, Marissa says. “Desray and I positioned this service as fixers, problem solvers, facilitators. We get stuck in where children would but can’t.”

Services offered range from assisting with relocation, whether this involves downsizing or moving into retirement homes; decluttering and spring-cleaning; offering comfort and respite to individuals in their homes; helping with recuperation and discharge papers from hospital; attending to medical aid queries and basic finances; and running general errands.

An important focus is keeping the elderly socially connected to enable them to age in a healthy manner, she stresses. “It could be keeping them in touch with their family on Facebook or teaching them IT skills so they can get on to Facebook or planning outings and lunches, but we are open to any requirements.”