Bima and beyond – Barmitzvah boys go the distance

Whether they live in places with minimal access to Jewish life or have a connection to a specific shul or teacher far away, some boys literally go the extra mile when it comes to their Barmitzvah.

And, in connecting online with their teachers abroad, not only do they strengthen their ties to Judaism, they bring their families along for the ride.

When Riley Chait started preparing for his Barmitzvah in February, he didn’t just have to learn his portion, he had to learn the Hebrew alphabet – entirely online. Riley, who lives with his parents and younger brother in Gaborone, Botswana, celebrated his Barmitzvah at Sydenham Shul on 29 July.

“Riley had never experienced a Barmitzvah before his own and had no real expectation or understanding of what was expected on the day,” said his parents, David and Isobel, who met and married in Port Elizabeth, now Gqeberha.

Though both their children, Riley and his younger brother, Callum, were born in the city, the family lived in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, for five years, briefly returned to South Africa, and then moved to Gaborone, where David heads up Botswana operations for Coca-Cola Beverages Africa.

Jewish heritage has always been important to the Chaits, yet communal life in Botswana is limited. “The kids’ exposure to their Jewish heritage was purely from family and other Jewish friends in our small communities who would bring us together on Jewish holy days,” they say. “They had no formal education or instruction on Hebrew or Judaica prior to the Barmitzvah.” Though there’s a very small Jewish community in Gaborone, which is five hours from Johannesburg, there’s no shul there.

As Riley’s Barmitzvah approached, his parents decided to find a Johannesburg shul that would assist them. “It was important to us to give Riley the experience of standing up in a shul and reading from the Torah,” they said. Seeking a shul with a vibrant, welcoming, and young community that balanced services with an active events calendar, Isobel came across a post by Sydenham Shul’s youth group and contacted Rabbi Yehuda Stern. “It sounded like exactly what we were looking for,” she said.

Riley soon began learning his portion online with the shul’s Barmitzvah teacher, Jonty Cohen, who began by teaching him Hebrew. Having become accustomed to online instruction for his Barmitzvah students during the COVID-19 pandemic, Cohen embraced the challenge. Though loadshedding, concentration, and a lack of face-to-face contact were challenging, he said occasionally seeing Riley in person helped to allay any concerns.

“Putting on tefillin with Riley and taking the Torah out with him for the first time filled me with a sense of achievement, and confirmed for me the love of what I do and why I continue to do it,” he said. Today, Cohen calls Riley a friend and an inspiration. “While I might have been his teacher for the past five months, Riley has taught me a great deal about adversity, determination, and perseverance. With all the uncertainty, never once did Riley give up. He stayed true to himself, his parents, and most of all, to his learning, his upbringing, and his Jewish heritage,” he said.

The Barmitzvah process was a growth experience for Riley, say his parents. “For a kid who had never been exposed to an occasion of such significance in the Jewish religion, it was really meaningful for his identity as a Jewish boy growing into a Jewish man. To see and connect with such a warm community and rabbi at Sydenham Shul was a hugely positive experience for him. It showed him that his identity isn’t just his family, his religion is also an important part of who he is.”

It’s an experience echoed by Riley. “It made me feel a lot more connected to Judaism and gave the religion a lot more meaning in my life,” he said.

Stern said Riley’s Barmitzvah had inspired his brother, and was a trigger for the family to embrace Jewish learning, even though living in Botswana made it more of a challenge. “What Riley has perhaps done is reconnect his own parents to Jewish life and to their upbringing and community experience,” he said.

Stern also highlighted the knock-on effect that Riley’s Barmitzvah had on a young member of the Sydenham congregation who attended shul on the weekend of the Barmitzvah after an extended absence. Greeting him, Stern asked what brought him to shul. He said, “When I saw on social media that you’re celebrating a Barmitzvah boy from Botswana, I was so inspired that I said if that boy can have his Barmitzvah at shul, I need to be at shul as well.”

In spite of moving from Cape Town to a town in Ireland at the age of 11, Cillian Fagan had his Barmitzvah at Cape Town’s Temple Israel Congregation earlier this year. His family remain online members of the shul as they haven’t found an accessible progressive Jewish community in a predominantly Catholic country.

“Cillian had a year of Hebrew lessons online with a teacher allocated by Temple Israel,” said his mother, Melissa. “Making the journey to Cape Town for the service allowed us to gather for a simcha and simultaneously have a long overdue family reunion.”

Her younger son, Rordan, is learning Hebrew online through Temple Israel, and will celebrate his Barmitzvah there next year. “Because our family is mixed – my husband isn’t Jewish – it’s important to me to expose our sons to our traditions and especially important that they have Barmitzvahs,” said Melissa.

“I’ve seen an incredible change in Cillian since the event. He’s more mature and thoughtful. Knowing his heritage and learning the Jewish way of life, however you look at it, whether you’re frum or progressive, has much to offer in terms of living as a responsible and compassionate member of our global society.”

Adina Roth, a clinical psychologist who runs Barmitzvah, Batmitzvah, and Jewish Studies programmes, left South Africa in October 2022 to become head of Jewish life at Emanuel School in Sydney. Roth has been teaching B’nai mitzvah classes online for many years, first because of previous connections with families who lived overseas, and then due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Teaching online, she built on the trust and familiarity of her established relationships and embraced the chance to adapt her methods during the pandemic.

When she moved to Australia, Roth committed to completing lessons with existing students through private online Barmitzvah lessons and a group Batmitzvah course. Though time differences required sacrifices, she and her students embraced the journey and co-ordinated ceremony dates so that she could attend in person.

“I feel a sense of closure having walked them through this process and also being able to run the ceremonies for my B’nai mitzvah,” she says. “Now, although I’m super busy in Sydney, there’s an opportunity to keep these connections going through this kind of online model. We’ll see what the future holds.”