Blossoms, blue china, and family love

It’s the blossoms! Three colours! The blossoms of the trees on the pavement. Pink, dark pink, and white. That means yom tov, and it means Rosh Hashanah!

The anticipation sparked by the blossoms starts to appear everywhere. My mother unlocks the secret cupboard, and the precious blue and white Meissen china comes out to show off. Trays of silver cutlery are carefully cleaned piece by piece, and crystal glasses that ping with a flick, mostly untouched for the whole year, shine in glory.

Our mom Elaine was pink, roses, lace, and silver, but a cook – she was not. So, we would await the arrival of Granny Rosa.

I’ve never seen such pendulous breasts that differentiate from the rest of her body simply by a belt. Her hair in a loose grey bun on top of her head, with strands framing her gentle, wrinkled face and soft double chin, which I liked to touch.

Her presence in our kitchen was marked by the indescribable mingling of smells. My sister Sue and I would guess how many types of herring there would be, how we would avoid the gefilte fish and go straight for the turkey, the brisket, and the best potatoes in the world! We would play hopscotch on the stone kitchen floor for hours while she cooked, hoping to lick the bowl for a pre-taste of her world-famous honey cake.

Then, the annual treat, the outing with our mom to go “shopping for yom tov”. After all, it’s the New Year, Rosh Hashanah, and every little girl deserves the prettiest of dresses!

For days before, my parents talk, and we listen – well mostly – about this year and the new one to come, and experience a feeling of possibility, excitement, and new beginnings.

My father prepares his tallit bag and the “leather book with gold-leaf pages” for Rosh Hashanah.

While he is at shul, we count the minutes until the doorbell rings, hoping it’s one of the big cousins that comes first and engage with us before the grown-ups arrive.

As we collectively dip the apple into the honey, we understand the celebration of the moment, the connection of the family, and the significance of this New Year for the Jewish people.

I always say that my late husband, Les, was indeed a wonderful “package deal”. His family and extended family have a strong yiddishkeit, which both defines and connects them. His brother-in-law, Melvyn Cohen, was the first president of the Sandton Shul. Rosh Hashanah at Eileen and Melvyn’s was as much about learning as it was about celebration.

The conversation, usually spearheaded by Gertrude Harvey Cohen, was rich with questions posed to the children (and the adults) and symbolism and significance about everything. I listen in awe and am engrossed. Also aware of the gaps in my education – inhaling all. The pride that is instilled in being Jewish accompanies the learning, and is manifested now through my children.

It was around that table that unconditional love just was. The gentle teasing, the banter, the laughter, the memories, the anticipation, and most of all the power of the family tribe was deep and without question. There are no lessons to substitute that experience. It becomes woven into the fabric of being, and is instilled by example to the next generation.

An unquestioned Rosh Hashanah tradition for the past 40 years was first-day lunch, with well over 100 people in the garden at Geoff and Hazel Cohen’s, and their family. There is no spread in the world that compares with the choice and deliciousness as everyone contributes their very best, eagerly-awaited dish to the fare. It was always wonderful seeing friends and people, often not encountered in the year. This year, it’s with great sadness and overwhelming memory that Geoff is no longer with us. I see him in his white panama hat strutting his stuff with his bottle of tequila and huge smile.

Rosh Hashanah in my home encompasses the next generation. There is additional joy in witnessing the unbridled excitement and enthusiasm as the young cousins from both sides of the family are best friends and engage on everything. They now ask and answer questions, they share what they have learnt, and they ask for their best food treat.

We mostly are able to go to shul together, as our families from Israel and Australia usually visit at this time of year. We continually and deeply miss those who aren’t with us, yet they live on in our hearts.

We know that this year, navigating a health pandemic is going to be different and a challenge, but as we do, we will celebrate Rosh Hashanah and mark its significance as we pray and commit to new beginnings and a shana tova.

• Dorianne Weil or Dr D is a recognised practicing clinical psychologist dealing with individuals, couples, and families.