Carefree isn’t free: the case for real freedom

A fellow who had done well in business and was feeling quite proud of himself once stopped by for a visit to his rabbi who had known him since his youth and taught him in school. “So, how is your Torah learning and growth in Judaism doing?” the rabbi enquired.

The self-assured fellow responded, “Rabbi, don’t worry about my world to come and heavenly reward. I’m sorted. I’m a good person. Thank you for your concern.”

His mentor sighed saying, “You misunderstand me, my dear student. I’m not worried about your quality of life in heaven after 120 years. I’m concerned about your quality of life in this world, right now, today. A life devoid of growth and spiritual congruence is a sad life, lacking direction and purpose. Torah isn’t just the pathway to eternal life; it’s the path to a quality life in this world of the physical and the flesh.”

Let’s consider what this really means, considering that Pesach is here, the season of freedom in the Jewish calendar. To be honest, with 59 hostages and their families still awaiting their freedom, these past 18 months feel like one very long season focused on the dream of freedom. So let’s chat about it.

We often think of freedom as the absence of obligations, responsibilities, and rules. Try searching Google Images for “freedom”, and chances are it will show a photo of someone atop a mountain with their hands spread out and a gorgeous sunset ahead of them. Or an eagle with their wings spread out, surfing across a blue sky.

Freedom in that context means relief from obligation and from the hectic responsibilities of jobs, family, and domestic life. The ability to choose what to do, when to do it, where to do it, and with whom to do it is the secular version of freedom. “No right, no wrong, no rules for me, I’m free.”

In this understanding of freedom, marriage, parenting, a job, communal responsibilities, and religious observance are viewed as the bottlenecks of freedom. The free life is one of no alarm clocks, no schedules, no accountability, no consequences, no obligations, no wisdom, and no belonging. Carefree is free.

Parents will often advise their kids to put off marriage and childbearing because “you deserve to be free for a while”. Implying that living a life devoid of responsibility is a human right and a worthy aspiration; and marriage and children get in the way of freedom.

Torah couldn’t disagree more with both of those assumptions. Marriage, children, and being a contributing member of society are the primary pathways to a fulfilling life. They activate within us the ability to be the people we were designed to be without falling into the traps of silly ideas and behaviours that might distance us from our destiny and our inner yearning to be free to be who we are called upon to be.

Carefree, unlike true freedom, means that there’s no-one to care for, which implies an empty life that often leads to angst, manifesting as existential anxiety.

Here’s a little story. My paternal grandfather was a poor man in terms of physical possessions. He had nothing by the standards of most people. And yet, whenever there was a family simcha, he would take the microphone and declare in the proudest voice in Yiddish, “Ich bin a billionaire!” (I am a billionaire.) Why? Because he was blessed with 15 children and more than 120 grandchildren, all of whom are proud Jews. Plus, countless great-grandchildren, growing by the day. He had never earned a good living, had been through Stalin’s gulags, lost his family behind the Iron Curtain, and endured unbelievable challenges, but he was an actual billionaire.

Could you disagree?

A truly free life is packed with responsibilities and full of meaningful actions where you give of yourself wholeheartedly and lessen your ego by extending your heart to the plethora of responsibilities you’ve taken on.

A good life is a full life. It’s not an easy life, but it’s an incredible and heroic life.

Avoiding responsibilities and being afraid to walk out of our comfort zone might lead to momentary pleasure, but it is the surest road to regret.

For example, no-one regrets having an additional child. People often regret the child they didn’t have. Why didn’t they have that child? For good reasons. Money. The house was too small. Babies get in the way of shopping and holidays. Too stressful. “What about my dreams?” Your bestie thought it was a bad idea. And many other seemingly significant reasons that, 20 years down the road, ring hollow and regrettable.

A person who makes decisions based on timeless Torah values is guaranteed to make decisions that they will be proud of later in life. Torah values are G-d’s values. And G-d, who created you and I, knows what’s best for us. He created a manual of living called the Torah, which isn’t only the road to a good spiritual life, but also the road to a beautiful physical life. Why? Because it leads to wise decisions that will stand the test of time.

Unlike decisions made by whim and current secular values, which might feel right for the moment but aren’t in line with what’s truly good for us in the long term, the holiday of Pesach calls upon us to walk the long – but surest – walk to freedom, by embracing timeless values.

This Pesach, let us pursue the liberty that can be achieved only when we embrace a life of responsibility, the self-confidence that comes from competence. Rather than the false self-esteem that has no justification other than the meaningless repetition of the mantra that “I am amazing, even though I sleep until 15:00 and spend my few waking hours binge eating and binge-watching rubbish. Then scream at my mom who’s begging me to leave my room for 20 minutes so that she can clean the room of the mountain of rubbish and stench of the aimless soul-destroying ‘carefree’ life.”

The more meaningful responsibilities we willingly accept, the greater the freedom, not only for the next world, but much more importantly and vividly, for our best version of life, right here, right now.

Wishing you and yours a kosher and happy Pesach and the wisdom and courage to make the decisions that will lead to your best life.

• Rabbi Levi Avtzon is the rabbi at Linksfield Shul.