Conflict is our natural way of being, says Israeli author

TALI FEINBERG

Conflict, she says, is also “our basic framework to organise relationships”.

Rosenblum was in South Africa at the invitation of the Israeli embassy, and presented at the Franschhoek Literary Festival in mid-May. Her list of accomplishments and skills is vast, so much so that it is impossible to put her in a box. She prefers it that way. However, Rosenblum wears a few other caps, including couple’s therapist, family mediator, mother, and academic.

“I define myself as a couples’ therapist first. I prefer my writing to be like my lover more than my lawfully wedded partner!” she says, chuckling. “I don’t depend on it as it’s not feasible. In Israel, we have more people writing than reading.”

Nevertheless, she is a successful author. Children’s books, fictional novels, non-fiction self-help books, blogs, articles, and columns fill her curriculum vitae.

So how do her lines of work influence each other? “The main thing that writing contributes to therapy is the use of analogies and metaphors. The tools we use are the language of the subconscious and emotions. In addition, life is far crazier than fiction. And, therapy provides my writing with endless examples of nuances and meaning in extreme situations, and the intense drama of daily life.”

If she was to give one piece of advice to couples, it would be “in a conflict, don’t talk about your partner, talk about yourself. The more you use the word ‘you’, the more trouble you’re in.

“You need to be as self-reflective as you can. Our strategy for regulating ourselves emotionally as kids is great when we are young. But it’s probably that same strategy that’s catching us in a negative loop as adults. Daring to be vulnerable is what brings people together. The more defensive you are, the more you will push your partner away.”

Rosenblum was previously married to Assaf Bernstein, the director of the first season of Fauda. Her brother, Ido Rosenblum, is a well-known film and TV personality. Her current husband, Yuval Banay, is a rock star. Her sister-in-law, Yonit Levi, has been a TV news anchor for 15 years, and her late father, Adam Baruch (previously Baruch Meir Rosenblum), was a well-known cultural figure in Israeli society who died young.

“He was a journalist and art critic, and came from an Orthodox family. He was very bohemian. He died 11 years ago from complications from diabetes, which he neglected to take care of. Ironically, it didn’t seem as tragic then. He was 63. Now I’m 45, and he’s still 63. The older I grow, the harder it is,” she says.

Seven years after her father died, Rosenblum decided it was time to make a movie about her dad. She woke up to realise, as she says, “Israel as a society is experiencing early onset dementia, and this is the last moment we could possibly get funding for a film about him.”

She brought her brother on board, and they made the film Memory Agents, which has now been shown in South Africa. “Making the film was a beautiful experience, intense and emotional. After it was done, I had a huge sense of relief. It was out there in the world, and our kids or anyone interested in Israeli culture of the 1970s to 1990s could watch it. It’s like a time capsule that helps us understand the intricacies of that period of time.”

Rosenblum finds Israeli society to be a rich source of content for any writer or artist. “Israel is like having 50 people from different walks of life trapped together for 70 years, and [seeing] what happens. It’s fascinating to me.”

She is also looking to South Africa for insight and inspiration. “As an Israeli, I am worried about where Israel is heading politically. This is an interesting opportunity to get some sense of the lessons South Africa has learned. Also, with two degrees in anthropology, I’m curious about people, so it’s great to explore here.”

She is also happy to be visiting South Africa as she had a close friend when she was young whose family made aliyah in the 1970s. They then went back to South Africa, and returned to Israel. “It’s somehow part of my childhood that I want to relook at with adult eyes.”

For those wanting to understand Israeli arts and culture, Rosenblum recommends reading the cultural section of Ha’aretz online, which “really covers the social atmosphere and spirit of the times. Israeli cinema is also quite a powerful aspect. All the TV series are fantastic, but they are more universal than local. Even Fauda is a fantasy, and as such, it’s great.”