Courage in adversity, and the power of sharing

There’s nothing like celebrating our achievements, but there’s also power in sharing our struggles. The Women of Courage breakfast hosted by the Union of Jewish Women in collaboration with King David Schools on 18 August encouraged women to “choose courage over comfort” and share their stories.

Before the unthinkable happened, working mom Dionne Mincer did it all. “To say I’m a hands-on mom is putting it mildly,” she said. “I could never ask anyone for help.” The fittest she’d ever been, she was constantly on the go. She felt amazing. Until she didn’t.

What began as a heart rate that didn’t come down quickly enough after an exercise class, evolved into flu-like symptoms. Soon afterwards, Mincer collapsed twice within 24 hours, cutting her head and landing up in hospital with very low blood pressure. After she was treated for a head injury, a CT scan showed blood on the brain which was attributed to the fall.

“But in the early hours of the morning, my heart unexpectedly started to give in,” Mincer recalled. “My blood pressure was non-existent, and I started to swell up until I was almost unrecognisable.” During an emergency procedure to suction fluid off her heart, her doctor battled to gain entry through her ribs, and accidentally punctured her lung.

Also battling excruciating pain in her legs, Mincer said the worst part was that the doctors were completely baffled. She then developed compartment syndrome, a painful condition when pressure within the muscles builds to dangerous levels. The pressure can decrease blood flow, preventing oxygen from reaching the nerve and muscle cells. She needed an immediate operation to save her legs.

Afterwards, Mincer awoke on a ventilator and dialysis with both legs sliced open. “It was a nightmare – not able to communicate, losing control, so much going on at home, no time for this,” she said.

Yet, upon hearing of the hundreds of people from around the world praying for her on tehillim groups and those helping her husband and kids in multiple ways, she realised she needn’t worry. She finally understood the depth of the community’s support.

“Over the whole six weeks in intensive care, there was never any doubt in my mind that I would walk again,” Mincer said. She was, however, forced to confront the fact that she couldn’t do everything alone. Today, she’s running, attending therapy, and accepting help.

The cardiologist’s theory is that she had a cytokine storm. “In response to a virus, probably COVID-19, my body built up too many fighter cells,” she said. “They attacked my heart, sending my blood levels up, and turning my blood to sugary syrup.

“What got me through is all of you here today,” she said. “We need each other.”

Jacqui Miller is the mom of a son with special needs, Jude, 11. Jude is on the autism spectrum and has apraxia of speech. In her book, Hey Jude, Miller shares her story, emphasising the importance of kindness and empathy.

While initially neurotypical, Jude began developing excessive temperatures at 21 months. Initially diagnosed with Kawasaki disease which doctors later suggested was actually encephalitis, Jude retreated into himself. When he was later found to be on the spectrum, the Millers were shattered.

“At times, life feels like a battle,” Miller admitted. “Nothing with Jude is easy.” Yet with the help of his facilitators, online communication tools, and a gluten and dairy-free diet, Jude and his family have adapted. They’ve also consulted doctors around the world, seeking new treatments.

“What I’ve learnt from Jude is that the other side of struggle is always strength,” said Miller. “My biggest lesson is that love needs no words.”

Approaching her leg amputation as a new journey as opposed to a disability, Erin Lazarus is proof that humour and a positive attitude provide strength in adversity. Always sporty, she felt increasingly unwell during her honours studies and after completing exams, her body crashed.

Initially misdiagnosed with anxiety, she knew something was wrong when her left foot instantly turned black and blue when she placed it into a swimming pool, causing intense pain. Tests ultimately revealed that she had the autoimmune disease lupus.

Her foot pain steadily worsened. In January 2022, after two operations, Lazarus was faced with amputation. The lupus had attacked her blood vessels, stopping blood flow to her foot.

She’s now raising money for the Trojans Neurological Trust, which funds rehabilitation for those with neurological conditions, by running steadily longer distances. Having recently run 16km, she’s tackling a half marathon next month.

As a baby, Itumeleng Sekhu-Pedi lost a hand, and suffered other devastating injuries in a fire caused by a candle. Today, she runs a candle-making business. Infusing horror with humour, Sekhu-Pedi spoke of frustration following multiple unsuccessful suicide attempts, and revealed how she eventually found purpose in sharing her story.

“With one hand and one finger, I can do everything people with two hands and 10 fingers can do,” she said. “There are people with two hands and 10 fingers who walk around feeling sorry for themselves. And I think, ‘You are so blessed!’

“At one point, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror,” Sekhu-Pedi said. “Now I speak, motivate, and encourage hundreds of thousands of people on big stages. That’s freedom on a whole other level.”

Coming from a tiny KwaZulu-Natal township, coach and international speaker Dr Vumile Msweli worked to attain a scholarship to private school St Mary’s DSG, where she matriculated with seven distinctions.

Yet, upon pursuing honours in accounting, she failed for the first time. “I always defined myself by my academic prowess,” she said. Msweli realised that one can either identify as a failure, or use failure as feedback.

Choosing the second option, she ultimately attained a Master of Business Administration at the University of London.

In sharing our stories, we give others the courage to share theirs. And, said Msweli, by immersing ourselves in someone else’s world through their stories, we truly learn.