Cyber-bullying and what we can do about it

ANTONY SEEFF

Cyber-bullying occurs when bullying takes place over digital devices, such as a cellphone or computer. This type of bullying often involves embarrassing someone on a public or semi-public platform such as WhatsApp, Instagram or Facebook. Bullying has always been a reality in high schools, but now that all students are connected to social media and the internet, online shaming has become the weapon of choice for bullies. Technology has made it much easier for them to cause maximum harm. That’s because people often feel more brazen using social media and are likely to say things they wouldn’t say in person. Once one kid makes a comment, it becomes open season for the rest of the pack to dig in.

Examples of cyber-bullying range in severity, from kids intentionally excluding a certain person from a WhatsApp group to their making toxic comments to someone, such as: “If I were you, I would kill myself.”

The effects on the victim depend on the person: they may cry and get over it or suffer more severe long-term emotional, psychological and physical effects, such as anxiety, fear, depression, low self-esteem or weight loss/gain.

So, what should parents know about cyber-bullying and what can they do about it?

Qooh who?

While cyber-bullying often takes place on known social platforms like WhatsApp or Snapchat,  there may be new apps that children are latching on to. Parents need to stay up-to-date regarding these latest apps so they can identify warning signs of potential cyber-bullying and monitor whether their child is the instigator or the victim of such.

For example, many parents are unaware of the app called Qooh.me. It’s popular among the youth and has become a cesspool for cyber-bullying. The idea behind Qooh.me is disturbing: you can ask a question or write a message to one of your ‘friends’ anonymously.

After creating a profile on this app and connecting it to your Facebook account, you start receiving anonymous messages from people you are connected to on Facebook. Kids often join the app, hoping to receive glorifying messages such as: “You’re so pretty in that dress”, but land up receiving messages such as: “That dress is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.”

How do I know if my child is being cyber-bullied?

Just like physical bullying, cyber-bullying is often difficult to pick up as the victimised child is ashamed or embarrassed about the bullying. However, there are tell-tale signs that parents can look for. For example, if your child shows nervous behaviour when getting an instant message, text or email; if they become secretive about their online activities and cellphone use; or if they avoid school or extramural activities, it may be because they’re being bullied.

A new website has been launched to help parents identify whether their child may the victim of cyber-bullying, and is available at https://www.ismychildbeingcyberbullied.co.za.

What to do about it

As a parent, it is traumatic to find out that your child is a victim of bullying. But you aren’t alone: there are websites available to help you, and social workers well versed on the subject to whom you can turn. As a broad guideline, here’s a summary of some actions parents can take in this situation:

1.   Communicate with your child to understand the cyber-bullying and acknowledge their pain.

2.   Reassure your child that the bullying is not reflective of them as a person.

3.   Monitor your child’s online activity and ensure that they do not retaliate.

4.   Support your child by seeking counselling for them if necessary.

5.   Report the cyber-bullying to your school (if it took place during school) or to the police, if necessary.

6.   Consider getting your child a “safe cellphone”, which alerts parents to cyber-bullying (such as a KidTech phone – https://kidtech.co.za)

Take it offline

Cyber-bullying may seem like a purely technological problem, but it isn’t. And the answer does not lie only in a technological solution.

While digital tools are involved, the issue of cyber-bullying is a social one. Both the bully and the victim need help. Speak to your children to help them understand what cyber-bullying looks like, what they can do about it and who they can speak to if necessary. And, if your child is one of the initiators, it is important to address the underlying motivation for such behaviour with them and seek professional help.

You may be asking yourself: “How did we get here?” We’ve arrived in a dystopian society where the very technology that we thought would brighten our lives has made life all the more difficult.

The digital light of progress is being abused by adolescents to effect horrific cruelty on others. This is an unfortunate consequence of our children growing with ever-changing technology. And parents are left having to take remedial action.

So, it’s essential that you equip yourself with digital knowledge to enable you to help your child navigate the digital world safely and securely. Make it your responsibility to educate them about proper social media etiquette while monitoring their online presence.

Antony Seeff is the co-founder of KidTech (https://www.kidtech.co.za), a company that offers cellphones for schoolkids, and peace of mind for parents.