Danni Heymann — from victim to leader

NICOLA MILTZ

In fact, when this 18-year-old came face to face with her tormentor last Sunday, she said she discovered a regular 14-year-old boy. To her surprise, instead of finding a monster before her, she saw what she referred to as a “brave” young man desperate to seek her approval and forgiveness.

She told the SA Jewish Report that the whole ugly episode had opened her eyes to a new world.

“It has changed me. I see things differently now, with a new perspective,” she said this week. “I can look deeper into things, my vision is broader. I know I have an opportunity to do good, to do amazing things.”

This is a far cry from how she felt little more than a week ago when she received a vile message from a Grade 8 pupil at Treverton College in KwaZulu-Natal. It floored her, she said.

The message said, “We all agree that you should have died in the Holocaust. You know those ashtrays full of Jewish people … maybe they should have added you to that little pile. What do you call a flying Jew?” To which his friends in the background shouted, “Smoke!”

Danni is no stranger to bullying, having experienced it first-hand in primary school. She also knows how it feels to move to different schools, and she is intimately acquainted with the harsh and unforgiving effects of teenage anxiety, having suffered it for many years.

She tells how she was a part of a group who were the friends of her boyfriend at the time. “It seemed their mission was to make me cry, because they would always seem to laugh at my tears,” she recalls. They would call her demeaning and ugly names both in person and on WhatsApp groups. “I was always sad and my self-esteem was zero.” After a really bad bout of bullying, she cut ties with them and her boyfriend. He then wrote a disgusting message about her on social media. It took her a long time to recover.

“Over the next year, I lost a fortune of weight, ate healthy food, and exercised every day. I worked so hard at school, my grades increased 20%. I now look in the mirror and see a girl that has gone through a lot of pain, but who has also conquered a mountain that was terribly hard to climb.”

Her experience gave her the tools to cope with difficult situations, and may be behind the wisdom she has shown throughout this episode.

It was this experience that enabled her to mentor the young boy who asked her for help because he was being cyber-bullied. She told off the bully. The bully’s friend then sent her the voice note.

After receiving it, through her tears, she questioned how a young boy could have so much hate in him. It was even more baffling, considering she has a brother the same age who she couldn’t imagine having the ability to spew such hatred.

However, instead of lashing out and seeking revenge, Danni chose an altogether different approach: reconciliation and forgiveness.

“I wanted this awful, negative incident to be turned into something positive that we could all learn from. How would it help to get him expelled from school? Anti-Semitic comments happen all the time on social media. There had to be a way to address it without causing more hate.”

The boy and his father flew up from KwaZulu-Natal over the weekend to meet Danni and the South African Jewish Board of Deputies (SAJBD) to ask for forgiveness, and address the wrongs he had committed. Following the meeting, Danni said that he had immediately brought out her “sisterly instincts”.

“He amazed me with his bravery. It could not have been easy for him. He walked into the room with confidence, but I could feel the pain at the back of his throat.

“He genuinely apologised for his hurtful comments, and expressed true willingness to learn about the Holocaust. He said he was ignorant, and wanted to know more. He blew me away with his bravery,” she said.

Danni said their interaction was deeply moving.

“I cried in the car afterwards,” she said, “Just seeing him struggle and me struggle at the same time – it was overwhelming.”

She sent him a WhatsApp message afterwards, saying how she felt, and told him she didn’t want them to lose touch. “I told him that I had turned from his victim into a friend, and that if he needed someone to talk to, I was a phone call away.”

It could have turned out very differently.

On 6 November, Danni posted the voice note she had just received online. It took minutes for it to go viral, and elicited a broad range of responses here and abroad, mostly from people baying for the teenager’s blood.

Yet in a surprising twist to the plot, Danni turned the incident into a positive learning experience not only for herself, but for the entire community and beyond.

Her response to the incident has been described as “mature and gracious”, and it surprised her peers, who did not see this coming. Danni is not your typical King Davidian, said some this week. For one thing, she has tattoos, and by her own admission, she loves to socialise and is open to trying new things.

Her King David dramatic arts teacher, Renos Spanoudes, described Danni as “insightful and intelligent”, someone “who is not scared to go where angels fear to tread”.

This would have been a tough week for the pupil and his co-conspirators, as their school’s disciplinary process began on Monday.

Mary Kluk, the President of the SAJBD, and the director of the Durban Holocaust & Genocide Centre, said she had been working very closely with the school and its Headmaster, Kean Broom, to turn the situation into a positive learning opportunity for all concerned.

“He has been extraordinary. He is sensitive to the hurt, and aware of the impact this has had on the community. He is completely and genuinely committed to sensitising all the learners at his school.”

Kluk said the school was eager to start sending pupils to the Holocaust & Genocide Centre this week, in spite of the beginning of exams. A group of 60 learners attended the centre on Wednesday. Other visits were being arranged.

Wendy Kahn, the National Chairperson of the SAJBD, said the meeting between Danni and the 14-year-old was warm and honest. “The teenager expressed genuine remorse. His parents were distraught by what had happened, and all three showed a commitment to the education process. The notion that we can blame anti-Semitism on parents is simplistic. There are so many factors that can influence youngsters today, particularly with social media.”

As for Danni, she said the incident had made her want to study psychology so that she can help teenagers deal with their issues. Before that, she would love to visit Israel, because it has made her even more proud of her heritage and her religion.