Emigration makes yomtavim bittersweet

A time for beginnings and endings, Rosh Hashanah will be especially poignant for families who face recent or looming emigration.

“Out of all the yomtavim, Rosh Hashanah is the most meaningful in terms of family,” says Belinda Abramowitz. “It’s a serious time of reflection, and it’s rooted in memories of good food and special family time. I didn’t grow up in a religious home, so Rosh Hashanah was always the main holiday that we celebrated.”

However, for Belinda and her husband, David, who recently got a work transfer to the United Kingdom (UK), Rosh Hashanah this year will be bittersweet. They’ve timed their move to London for 3 October so that they can celebrate yom tov with both their families in Joburg before they leave.

“We always spend Rosh Hashanah with family,” Abramowitz says. “I think it will be quite intense and filled with emotion because we know we’re leaving after Sukkot – it’s our last yom tov together really.” They do hope eventually to reunite with the Abramowitz side for yom tov in Israel, where one of David’s sisters lives.

The couple have three sons – a baby, a three-year-old, and a six-year-old, which adds another dimension to the impending separation. “The fact that we have small kids is the hardest when it comes to leaving family and being apart over festivals,” Abramowitz says . “The people who leave are the lucky ones who go off and have an adventure – it’s the people who you leave behind that it hits the hardest. We have good friends in London, and will be joining a nice, religious community. I do think we’ll feel the lack of family on yom tov though.”

Cachita and Alan Ferreira and their two sons feel lucky to be celebrating their first Rosh Hashanah in Ra’anana since making aliyah in April. “I have mixed emotions about yom tov though,” Ferreira says. “In normal circumstances, I would either be going home or there would be a high possibility that my sister and her family would come to Israel. Due to COVID-19 and travel restrictions, we need to deal with being without family, but we are privileged and blessed to be living in Israel.”

Aside from her mother’s home-made soup and her sister’s famous pavlovas, Ferreira says she’ll miss special family time over yom tov. “My best memories are the constant laughter we shared. I always said my mom and dad were lucky because all their children were still in South Africa, which meant my children got to grow up and spend these special occasions with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I will miss how every yom tov we walked down memory lane, sharing our childhood stories with my children, nieces, and nephews.”

To cope with being apart, they’re planning to use Zoom to connect with family in South Africa. Ferreira is also planning to continue a long-standing family tradition of putting presents on her kid’s beds before first night begins, a ritual that her mother started when she was young.

Rosh Hashanah this year will be especially hard for Anthony and Sharona Smith, who are in the process of emigrating to the UK. “This will be the first time in 11 years that we won’t be together on Rosh Hashanah,” says Anthony. Anthony, who holds a British passport moved to London in April to find work, leaving his wife and two-year-old twin children behind in Joburg. “We’re going the spousal visa route, which means I have to be working here for six months before Sharona can even apply,” he says.

Being apart for so long is often heart wrenching. “It’s hard day-to-day, but it’s especially difficult approaching yom tov where we’d always be together,” says Sharona. “Pesach and Rosh Hashanah are the two times of the year when we do the hosting. It’s not something we can generally afford, so when it comes to yom tov, it’s quite special to be in charge of that. I’ve always really enjoyed being the hostess and having everyone at my table. We have a small family, so it was generally us, my mom, and Ant’s parents and brother.”

Anthony has also always been very involved in the preparations, taking time off work to help with the preparations. “We would go all out, setting the table and cooking, and we’d do everything from scratch,” he recalls. “We spent the entire day in the kitchen having fun. It’s a treasured memory of spending that day getting everything together.”

Sharona hopes to continue hosting yom tov once she gets to the UK, although she jokes that she has no idea who will be around her table aside from her mother who plans to join them in the UK. Anthony’s parents also have long-term plans to make the move. For now, Sharona and the twins will be spending their last Rosh Hashanah in South Africa with both families.

“It’s always been a time for us to come together, not worry about normal daily stresses, and just enjoy that special quality time together. I think it’s going to be harder for Anthony this year because he’ll be away from all of us.”

Nevertheless, Anthony is grateful to have been invited to friends in London who are also ex-South Africans. “I was concerned that I wouldn’t have anywhere to go,” he says. “I didn’t want to impose, but the community here is really welcoming. It’s nice to know that I’m not going to be alone on those nights. I consider myself lucky to have both new and old friends here. When my wife arrives next year, our yom tov traditions will come alive through being with these friends.”

This is the case for Darren Sheer, who recently moved to Amsterdam to live, work, and travel abroad. He’ll be spending yom tov with friends, old and new. “As someone who is traditional rather than religious, I feel that yom tov, like any holiday in any religion, is a special time which brings family and friends together,” he says. “That’s the part I value of any festival. I would love to incorporate some traditions of Rosh Hashanah into my day to share our culture with some of the non-Jewish friends I’ve made here, just as I look forward to spending the Christmas/Chanukah holiday season in their homes.”

In South Africa, Sheer generally spent Rosh Hashanah with his family and his brothers’ in law. “I’ll miss watching my nieces evolve year after year at the yom tov table,” he says. “Every year, the atmosphere gets louder and more hilarious. It’s amazing to watch them grow up. It makes you look back at your memories of life at their age.”

At special times like Rosh Hashanah, it’s ultimately the memories that keep us connected, no matter where in the world we find ourselves.