Father and king: finding Hashem in our struggles

Sometimes, I bring my children to tears. Not joyful ones, either. Recently, one of my children needed a minor surgery. Understandably, he was upset about going into theatre and receiving a general anaesthetic. On the way to the day clinic, he begged me, “Mommy, please don’t let them put me to sleep. I don’t like it.” I nodded but didn’t make any promises that I knew I couldn’t keep. However, he took my silence as agreement.

After the short surgery, he woke up disoriented, angry, and in pain. He sobbed, “I told you not to let them make me go to sleep!” I nodded and held out my arms. He climbed into my arms, laid his head on my shoulder, and sobbed.

He was sad and angry. I was the person he was furious with. And yet, from his anger and sadness, he turned to me for comfort. Because I am his mother.

Beginning on Rosh Hashanah and continuing through Yom Kippur, we will recite the beautiful prayer of Avinu Malkainu, where we refer to G-d as our “father” and “king”. This dual relationship of being both a child of Hashem, our father in heaven, and a subject of Hashem, our king, can be both comforting and daunting.

Like my child, who was upset with me but still sought refuge in my arms, we may struggle with the pain and challenges of life, yet we instinctively turn to our father in heaven for comfort.

But where does this prayer come from, and why do we recite it from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur? The Talmud recounts a story of a devastating drought in which Rabbi Elazar declared a fast and recited 24 blessings, yet the drought persisted. But when Rabbi Akiva cried out, “Our father, our king! We have no-one else but You! For Your sake, have mercy upon us,” the heavens opened, and rain fell. Why was Rabbi Akiva’s prayer answered and not Rabbi Elazar’s? The key lies in Rabbi Akiva’s deep recognition of G-d’s dual role as father and king. He knew that G-d desired both to help us as our dear father, and had the power to do so as the king of the world. Rabbi Akiva’s prayer spoke to the essence of G-d’s relationship with us. G-d’s desire to help His children is always present, and His power as king ensures that He can.

The phrase Avinu Malkainu (our father, our king) encapsulates our dual relationship with G-d. On the one hand, He is the caring, compassionate father, always willing to embrace us when we are hurting, just like my child sought me for comfort after his surgery. On the other hand, G-d is the sovereign king who runs the world in ways we struggle to make sense of.

The Baal Shem Tov explained that Rosh Hashanah is like a divine game of hide and seek. G-d hides, and we seek. But how can G-d hide when He is everywhere? “There’s no place void of Him,” says the Zohar. The Baal Shem Tov’s teaching isn’t about G-d hiding in a way that He is absent. Instead, G-d conceals Himself behind the veil of the natural world in the guise of a distant king. He challenges us to seek Him out and realise that even when He seems hidden or inaccessible, He is still near and our loving father.

Have you ever played peek-a-boo with young children? It’s fun for them because they haven’t developed the concept of object permanence. At first, they don’t understand that even when something is out of sight, it’s still there. But as they grow, they learn that the parent’s face behind the hands is still there, still smiling. This is the lesson Hashem wants us to learn on Rosh Hashanah. Even when we feel distant and the struggles and hardships of life mask G-d’s presence, He is still present. He hides so that we will seek Him out, so that we will call to Him, not just as a king, but as a father.

This past year, we have cried tears of pain. We have faced unimaginable pain and suffering, both individually and collectively. And yet, in these moments of anguish, we are called to turn to our father. He waits for us to strip away the mask and say, “Father, we need You. We can’t do this alone.”

As a parent, there are moments when I want to help my children, but I am limited. I can’t shield them from every pain, every challenge. But G-d, our king, has no such limitations. His power is boundless and His love for us, His children, is infinite. Like Rabbi Akiva, we must approach G-d with reverence and trust, knowing He can and will help us.

This year has been marked by so much pain. Many of us have felt the weight of suffering, of loss, and of uncertainty. But in these moments, we are reminded that G-d, our father, wants us to turn to Him. Just as my child, in his pain, came to me for comfort, we can turn to G-d with our burdens. G-d hides so that we will seek Him and remember He is with us even in our darkest moments.

As we enter Rosh Hashanah, let us remember the powerful message of Avinu Malkainu. G-d is our king, and runs the world, but He is also our Father, always ready to embrace us, heal us, and bring us closer to Him. We may be hurt and injured, but from that place, we can call out to our father. And when we do, we’ll find that He was never truly hidden, He was waiting for us all along.

This Rosh Hashanah, show up to G-d in your pain and tears. We have questions for G-d as our king running the world. But we mustn’t forget that G-d is holding his arms out to us, ready to embrace us.

• Temmi Hadar is the rebbetzin of Pine Street Shul.