Finding love in your twilight years

GILLIAN KLAWANSKY

While many a movie script, book or song has been penned about the beauty of young love, the stories of those who find each other in their twilight years has a different kind of magic.

These people may have experienced heartbreak and loss, but it’s their willingness to open their hearts again that’s most inspiring.

There’s the story of the couple in their 80s who wed at the retirement home in which they’d built a life together. There’s the woman who lost her second husband but whose eyes shine whenever she speaks about him, which she frequently does, to anyone who will listen. There’s the couple about to take the plunge and move in together – at 85.

Inspired by these and countless such stories, we spoke to two couples who’ve learnt that there’s always another chance to find love.

For Harry Israel (88) and Joy Judes (93), Sandringham Gardens was an unlikely setting for romance. Harry grabs any chance he gets to chat about the lady in his life. “I met Joy at the home four years ago,” he says. “I liked the look of her, so I made advances. I courted her and eventually got together with her. We fell in love. We have a beautiful relationship. We’re very compatible.”

Joy is a widow and Harry is separated from his second wife. “I’ve had a long courtship with Joy – we decided long ago not to get married,” he says.

Harry’s adoration of Joy is nevertheless undeniable. “We’re very much in love with each other – there’s a lot of emotion attached to our relationship. She’s a very beautiful woman, she’s intelligent, even-minded and has all her faculties,” he says.

“She has a good character. She doesn’t gossip and is a respected member of this community here at the home. We do everything together. We go for walks, we sit outside – mostly, we talk to each other. Whether we’re talking, watching TV or reading together, we’re just happy to be in each other’s company. We’re a good combination.”

The two are active members of Sandringham Gardens, and their relationship is an inspiration for staff and residents. “I’m the chairman of the residents’ committee here at the home and she’s my partner. We’re known as a nice couple; everybody admires us!” says Harry. “We’re getting on in years but it’s nice to have a beautiful companion.”

Harry stresses the importance of romance in a relationship. “Being together has given us a new lease on life,” he says. “We’re happy and we look after each other. There’s a lot of romance. She knows the words of every romantic song and we’re always touching each other – I feel that touch is a very important part of a relationship. We were both pretty lonely until we met each other and now we have a ball together.”

Says Joy: “My quality of life has been wonderful since I met Harry.”

Asked what she loves most about him, Joy says: “Everything. He’s kind, gentle and romantic. He’s made my life worthwhile.”

Love came as a pleasant surprise to Tilly and Emmanuel Kagan. “I was friendly with him and his late wife, so I’d known him for a long time,” says Tilly. “One day his daughter suggested he ask me to the Miracle Drive fundraiser, and the rest is history!”

The couple have been married for eight years now and live in a flat near Athol. Tilly is in her early 80s and Emmanuel is 90. Chatting to them, their mutual love of life and of each other is evident. 

“We’re so compatible: we like going out for dinners, being with people and having people over,” says Tilly. “Our respective children all get on well and they’re all happy that we’re happy and that we take care of each other.”

Emmanuel reminds Tilly of their children’s delight when they announced their engagement. “We went to his son’s house and told him. He threw his arms around me and said: ‘Thank you!’ Then we went to my daughters, and they threw their arms around Manny and said: ‘Thank you!’.”

Asked what she loves most about her husband, Tilly laughs and says: “I love that he listens to exactly what I say! Seriously, though, we just get on. He’s warm and friendly, he loves to go out and do things, and we do it all together.”

Emmanuel agrees. “We have good life, we appreciate each other and we’ve learned to live together. We still have normal disagreements, but mostly, we’ve both been blessed and we’re very happy.”

“Kein Ayin Hara we’re living a lovely life together,” adds Tilly. “There are no problems with our families or anything. I thank G-d every morning of my life.”