Finding your Jewish beshert online

While there have never been more dating apps, platforms, and websites, Jewish singles wanting to get married still struggle to meet their beshert (soul mate) who is on the same page as them. South African-born Derek Saker saw the gap, and created JWed, which has already had numerous successes, including matching up a number of South Africans.

Saker was born and grew up in Cape Town. He began his career in the hospitality industry, and was even a kosher chef for the South African Defence Force. He moved with his wife and two children from Israel to New Jersey after 9/11. His foray into Jewish matchmaking began when a friend who was a member of the website, Frumster.com, approached him and said he believed they could turn it into a profitable business.

“Frumster.com was started by a guy in Israel as a labour of love, but he was a programmer and not a business person,” says Saker. “He flew to New York, and we negotiated and purchased the website, which at the time had about 2 000 members.” Today, in its new incarnation as JWed, the site now has thousands of members from all over the world, and recently passed the milestone of 3 500 members getting married. “This is an averaging of eight marriages a month!” Saker says proudly.

But in those early days when it was still Frumster.com, success was a distant dream. The first thing Saker and his business partner did was to “completely re-launch the service internationally. We also introduced a tiered membership charge. Initially, the site was for only Orthodox, observant Jewish singles seeking to get married, and it was created as a reaction to the growing and multifaceted problem of Orthodox Jewish singles struggling to meet,” he says.

“It was a pioneering service in the observant world, as many still had an aversion to going online, and many singles themselves were suspicious of the whole set-up.” But the reality – that this was a platform that actually led to successful matches and marriages – meant that those fears were soon set aside.

Saker says that within the Jewish dating world, especially the frum world, women are often left waiting for that phone call or knock on the door, and taking the initiative is often frowned upon. Women also might have very particular ideas about what they are looking for, and often this is based on looks. Men also often have a list as long as their arm about the right woman for them, also often based on looks.

JWed obliterates these obstacles, allowing women to reach out to men, and showing men and women that once they connect with someone with whom they have a lot in common, their sometimes superficial criteria might not matter so much. In fact, 65% of successful matches on the site were thanks to women reaching out to men.

“This is a website that enables singles to take charge of their dating life. They can search profiles, decide who to contact, decide who to reply to, and so on,” says Saker. “Members know who they are and what they’re looking for.”

He notes that looks are obviously important, but “we didn’t want to create a dismissive environment where users just ‘swipe’ based on looks”. Navigating this tension between the first impression and the person behind the picture is an important part of the site’s ethos.

In addition, Saker says, “When we say ‘marriage-minded’, we don’t mean only people who want to get married ‘tomorrow’ should join. Each in their own time. It’s about having that mindset, that you want to marry Jewish, whether that’s soon or not.”

The site became JWed when “we realised that there was a huge market of single Jews who while not necessarily Orthodox observant, wanted to marry someone Jewish. As such, in 2008, we changed the name to JWed, to leverage a much more widely-appealing brand that spoke to all types of Jewish singles.”

The process of joining is easy, but also in-depth. This isn’t your typical ‘swipe if you don’t like’ dating app. “Singles sign themselves up, and complete a comprehensive profile. Members have to be Jewish and marriage-minded. How do we check? With questions and profile reviews. All profiles are first reviewed before being approved. Once approved, members can conduct their own searches based on criteria such as age, location, and religious level. Members can send an email through the system to someone they are interested in. That member can choose to reply.”

Saker emphasises that the main difference with other dating apps is “a very large and unique pool of thousands of singles throughout the world. They are halachically Jewish singles, observant and not. They are all marriage-minded Jews, of all ages. Our proprietary technology ensures genuine communication and users.”

While the site now has an app, called JWed Match, it still has the same comprehensive, detailed profile to complete.

Saker says there have been more than 100 successful matches that included a Jewish South African. “In many cases, the South African single moves to get married to someone overseas. I cannot deny that many Jewish singles probably see JWed as an additional vehicle to finding their soulmate abroad.”

He says South African Jews are popular on the site. “South Africans are highly regarded in the Jewish world. They are traditional, genuinely warm, friendly, and unassuming.”

Regarding the particular challenges facing South African Jewish singles, Saker says they are twofold. “One, there is the universal challenge of dating and meeting someone Jewish and marriage-minded, especially if they don’t frequent bars or nightclubs – both before and after COVID-19.

“This is especially the case with traditional Jews. They aren’t necessary religiously observant, but want to meet someone who is proudly Jewish, wishes to find a Jewish soul mate, and wishes to get married.” What’s unique to South Africa is that it’s a small community, so it’s difficult to meet someone ‘new’, and some Jewish South African singles are very particular about what they are looking for.

Aviva Dinur (formerly Amy Levin), grew up in Cape Town, spent a year in Israel after school, and then moved to Johannesburg. “I signed up to what was then Frumster.com because I wanted to date and find a Jewish husband, and because a friend wanted to see who was ‘out there’ but was too shy to sign up! At first I didn’t take it too seriously, but then after some unsuccessful dates, I decided to actually try to find someone who was a good match.

“I saw that my now-husband, Tal, had sent me a message six months before, which I had ignored, but he had messaged again. I asked a friend if she knew him, and it turned out he was her brother’s good friend. She thought we would make a great couple.”

With those assurances in mind, she responded to his message, “and the rest, as they say, is history. We dated for three or four months and got engaged. We were married in Johannesburg in June 2013, and our first child was born a year later. We moved to Israel where we lived for five years, and our two other children were born there. We then moved to Cape Town in January to work in the community. So we have really come full circle!”

She thinks the website is best for those who are thinking about marriage, and that people should be honest with themselves about this. “It definitely helps to be able to see someone’s background and interests. I didn’t expect to meet my husband on a website, but that was Hashem’s plan!”

Saker says that in spite of COVID-19, “membership has actually grown. The fact is that in distressing times, the challenge of being alone is compounded for many. This only further motivates those who are marriage-minded to find their soul mate.”