Giving is healing

I lost a friend this week. Not a close friend by any means, but someone I shared a connection with. Standing at his funeral, it was obvious just how much he had done for so many people. He touched many lives just by reaching out to help people, some in need and others who didn’t appear to be.

I know he was aware of how he helped people because that’s what he set out to do, for whatever reasons. I don’t believe he realised just how great the impact was on their lives, and how he had changed them and given them hope.

The point is, one person can do so much, and it doesn’t necessarily take a lot other than consciously making an effort.

There is so much going on in our world, what with wars, economic crises, antisemitism, and political and religious differences. Just this week in this newspaper, we write about a good friend of Israel who has been nominated by United States (US) President Donald Trump as the next US ambassador to South Africa (page 1). We consider whether the other parties in our Government of National Unity will have a say in the direction of foreign policy or if this will remain in the hands of the African National Congress, which, to my mind, is doing an appalling job (page 4). We bring you the shocking truth about a so-called comedian who vomits the vilest antisemitic utterances I have yet to see (page 3). And what of Sandton Drive? Will President Cyril Ramaphosa’s most recent declaration that Sandton Drive cannot be named Leila Khaled Drive have any impact on the renaming? (Page 5)

There is lots of important news and fabulous features to read and absorb. However, for most of us, we have little control over much of this. We can talk and argue about those things, as my late friend was wont to do. But at the end of the day, it’s the little things in life that we do that make a difference.

It’s how we interact with our families, friends, colleagues, and mere strangers that counts. When you are walking down the road or through a shopping centre, do you smile at people or purposely avoid catching anyone’s eye? How hard is it to smile at someone or perhaps say something nice to that woman – a stranger – about her outfit that it seems clear she made a real effort in putting together this morning?

Telling your child you are proud of them because they did well in a test doesn’t take much, but just might be significant to them. Or when you need a new mop, instead of buying it off a supermarket shelf, go out to find that friendly street seller who sells mops and brooms, and make his or her day.

When you have the money to help someone, do it. But if you don’t, there’s always so much you can do to change or have an impact on people’s lives. It can be as small as making a few sandwiches for those in need or as significant as committing to volunteering every other weekend at a shelter.

I know we all lead busy lives, but it’s a bit like finding time to exercise. If you really want to do it, you make time in your crazy schedule. The amount of time needed would depend on what you choose to do and how often.

For some of us, our efforts are dedicated to the Jewish community. For others, it could be about helping abused women and/or orphaned children. It could be lending a hand in giving a child help with their school maths or English when they can’t afford to pay for extra lessons. It could extend to donating blood to the blood bank every now and again to help the medical fraternity save lives.

It could be spending half an hour a week or month with an elderly person perhaps to listen to his or her stories or just hang out. Possibly even taking them out for a morning or to see a movie.

If you have the desire to help others, there’s no end to what you can do. And it’s not about being remembered when we are gone, it’s about the joy of giving. It’s about reminding ourselves that there is so much more in giving than getting.

In a piece I read this week by Rabbi Levi Avtzon, he wrote about how “you love the people you give to more than the people you receive from”.

This resonated for me because it’s about this same issue – how it feeds your soul to give, whether it’s to loved ones or strangers in need. And there are so many different needs in this world that may never be fulfilled and you might be able to help just a little to stem the need.

Nobody can dictate to you which needs you must fulfil because it’s so personal. However, the joy you get from helping isn’t about doing a mitzvah or getting acknowledgement, it’s about simply knowing that you have done something positive and could have made just a tiny difference in someone’s life. And the more value you give to their lives, the more I believe it feeds your own soul.

I know giving is part of our religious philosophy and our community is beyond question so incredibly giving. However, I don’t like the idea that there is some obligation involved. You give because you want to give. Nobody can force you to give.

And you give not for the reaction, because as we know, sometimes people don’t show gratitude. It can’t be for that. Every time we give, we create a better world. Every time we give, we create a more compassionate and caring environment in which to live. What could be better than that?

Amazingly, giving or helping people makes it so much easier to deal with all the anguish and pain in our world. So, I’m going to make a real effort in my late friend’s name to give a little more.

Shabbat Shalom!

Peta Krost

Editor