Grief and geulah – Israel gives Rabbi Dee hope

Rabbi Leo Dee, whose wife and two children were murdered in a terrorist attack during Pesach 2023, says he believes “antisemitism in the diaspora is G-d’s way of calling his people back home”.

Dee, who is in South Africa this week, told the SA Jewish Report, “Sending people down the streets, shouting, ‘Kill the Jews’ or whatever they scream is a pretty good strategy to get people to make aliya, don’t you think?”

And having lost his wife, Lucy, 48, and daughters, Maia, 20, and Rina, 15, who were shot and killed in an ambush by terrorists in the West Bank in April two years ago, Dee has suffered the harshest grief. However, his faith is stronger than ever, and the message he brings to South Africa is about the marvel that is Israel.

Dee was brought out by the South African Zionist Federation in conjunction with Chabad of Strathavon, Chabad of Savoy, and the Israel Centre, and will be speaking in Johannesburg and Cape Town to select groups and schools.

Dee, who made aliya from the United Kingdom in 2014, understands the horror of antisemitism. He tells of his cousin’s husband who was murdered by an antisemite on the way to synagogue in Cardiff, Wales, 40 years ago.

He was very clear that had the tragedy that befell his wife and daughters happened outside of Israel, he didn’t think he would have recovered because “my life would be meaningless. But living in Israel, you live in a land of hope that can carry you through almost anything”.

Part of his message in South Africa is to remain proud of being Jewish and of Israel despite the “many lies spreading around the world about Israel”.

He believes that “We are writing the final book of the Bible, and some of the miracles we are seeing go far beyond anything you have read in the Tanach.” He maintains that this is the generation of the geulah (redemption). “We are heading at a high speed towards the culmination of the Jewish dream we dreamt thousands of years ago,” Dee said.

As is stated in the prophecy of Isaiah, Israel will be the light unto the nations, Dee said. “We have never before been such a light as we are today.” This notion may make people uncomfortable because they assume that the light is about chesed and kindness, but in this case, Dee said, Israel is the only nation standing against evil.

He compares what Israel is doing to a pipe pumping good into the world, much like a tap in a bathtub that occasionally gets blockages, which in this instance is as a result of evil. “This blockage reduces the ability for good to keep flowing, and so the greatest moral action is to remove the blockage to allow good to flow again,” he said.

All the misinformation about Israel perpetuating genocide in Gaza is due to other religions needing to portray Jews as immoral so their newer religions can claim G-d’s chosenness, taking the place of Jews. “The good news is that the truth comes out in the end, and we’re coming to the point where the world will start to acknowledge that we were right,” he said.

Research has shown that antisemites make up 20% to 30% of the world, which means, Dee said, that “most people aren’t antisemitic and many are pro-Jewish , but they are just more silent than the antisemites. It’s just a process to see through the lies, which is starting to happen.”

Dee admitted to being nervous about coming to South Africa for the first time because he heard that travel in the country was dangerous. “This may be odd coming from me after what happened to my family, but if I wanted to risk my life, I’d prefer to do it in Israel,” he said.

He was scheduled to visit South Africa on 9 October 2023, just days after the Hamas massacre in Israel, a trip which was obviously cancelled.

Speaking about the deal in which Israeli hostages are being returned in exchange for many terrorists from Israeli prisons, he said, “Israel is stuck in a complete moral dilemma. We obviously want our hostages home safely and alive, but we certainly don’t want to put the rest of the country at existential risk.

“We know that exchanging 1 000 Palestinians in Israeli prisons for Gilad Shalit enabled many to return as mass murderers, including Yahya Sinwar, who effectively organised the killing of more than 2 000 people on 7 October. In a perfect world, we wouldn’t negotiate with terrorists.”

Dee has visited people who lost loved ones on and after 7 October to try and comfort them. “It’s difficult even though I have been through it myself. I had the benefit of 10 000 people comforting me.”

He said he learnt from his grief, especially the importance of the community support. “When you’re going through trauma, you can’t make decisions, and your close community needs to manage your life in the moment. You have no ability to plan ahead, and that can last for weeks or months. Saying to people, ‘Tell me when you need me, and I’ll come over’, or ‘Tell me when you’re free for Shabbos’ really doesn’t work. You need to say, ‘I’ll be here on Monday at 14:00 every week until you tell me to stop’, or something like that.”

He said friends and strangers coming to him during shiva felt like “being embraced with a big hug from everyone”, even when people came and didn’t say a word.

He told how once he was able to, he engaged in many different projects in his wife and daughters’ memory, many of which he is still involved in.

“Being involved in meaningful activities is the greatest therapy, and something which is within your control. After a while, as the mourner, you need to take control of your life again and waiting for someone to visit, when they may not, isn’t productive. So, if you are engaged in activities and not dependent on others, it’s helpful with healing.”

He also said that to heal, one should focus on the future. “If I choose to live in the past, I’m thinking about my pain, but if I choose to live in the future, I can have hope, ambition, and motivation for a better tomorrow. So that’s my choice,” he said.

Another learning he – and the Israeli army – have gleaned was from a woman who came to his shiva and told him how she had lost her soldier fiancé in 2002 in an attack in Jenin. She said her fiancé gave her a letter a week before going into battle, and said she should read it only if he didn’t come out alive. She wasn’t happy about it, but when he didn’t come back, she sought it out and it gave her solace. Dee said that letter became “compulsory study material” for every Israeli soldier, which is why today, soldiers have to prepare a letter to their loved one before going into battle.

This same woman told him how she had prayed to Hashem, saying he owed it to her to find her a new husband and to have sons to make up for those who were killed in battle. A year later, she was married and went on to have nine children, eight of whom are boys.

“She taught me to demand miracles from Hashem. I have and many of them have been fulfilled,” he said.

In the light of all the trauma Israel has experienced in the past few years, not least of all on 7 October 2023 and during the war, he still believes Israel is the best place for Jews to live.

“In my early career as a strategy consultant and analyst, I learnt to look not at the headlines but at the facts,” he said. “The headlines tell you about terror attacks and wars, but the facts are that life expectancy in Israel is higher than 95% of the countries in the world. So, if you come to Israel, you will live longer.

“You will also live in a wonder country with every possible type of scenery. You will live with Jewish people, and your children will marry Jews. You will celebrate Shabbat and keep kosher even if you don’t intend to. You will be immersed in Jewish culture even if you are an atheist.

“This is our country. This is our home,” Dee said.

• Rabbi Dee will be speaking on Thursday, 20 February, in Johannesburg and on Thursday, 27 February, in Cape Town. To buy tickets, email admin@sazf.org (Johannesburg) or register at https://tinyurl.com/RabbiDeeCT (Cape Town).