Growing up is hard, but no regrets

One of the most annoying statements is, “Well, that’s 30 minutes we’ll never get back”, often said when reflecting on an experience that was a waste of time. Strictly speaking, whether we gained from the half hour or not, we’ll still never get it back.

Much like, “We aren’t getting any younger,” or “We aren’t as young as we used to be.” Both are true, irrespective of the situational reference.

And yet, I know that I’m a lot older than I was on 7 October 2023. I have aged significantly more in the past 12 months than I did in any other period of the same duration.

I’m also not the same person. And I’ve had so many people say the same thing. About themselves.

The first anniversary of the day was excruciating. It didn’t surprise me that it was a day of immense feeling. What did catch me unawares was the number of discussions I had with people about how much they have changed over the year. How shocked they were by the largely awful response and increased antisemitism; at the lack of empathy and ruthless celebration of the murder of Jews; how the women’s movements have turned their backs on Jewish women subject to the most horrific sexual abuse; and how much effort was put into denial, justification, and then silencing of Jewish or Israel supporting voices.

This resonated for me.

Prior to 7 October 2023, I wasn’t the “Israel guy”. I have always been a proud Zionist, but hadn’t incorporated this into my public persona. I did that deliberately, as I knew inherently that if I voiced a view on Israel, I would be disregarded in other areas. And so, I chose to limit how much I wrote on the subject and did so only when I felt it was really necessary.

After the Hamas invasion, it was necessary. And so, I did. And what I had predicted became reality. Any time I didn’t cover Israel as a topic, I would be assured of several “why would I listen to a Zionist?” comments. And then, as is well known, I was removed from News24 ostensibly for having an uncomfortably pro-Israel view. And then the chutzpah to express it. Because a “Jew with a view” is all well and good if the view is acceptable to the bastions and protectors of the group-think narrative.

Former supporters and “friends” in the media have been horrified. How far I have fallen from my days of fighting against the apartheid regime, of being elected to the first non-racial Law Student Council, and holding the position of editor of the Wits Law Journal. At a time when it was risky to do so.

They genuinely believe that I’ve lost my mind. In some sense, they no doubt think that I’ve been radicalised. Like the Jewish Taliban. As a result, I’m no longer considered an insider and no longer regarded as a “moderate” or “liberal” voice. Because in their world of identity politics, you’re in or out. You’re with us, or against us. You’re one of them. Or you’re a racist and a bigot, and you support the killing of babies. Obviously.

As for the whole freedom-of-expression thing, well that’s all well and good so long as the group agrees with what’s being expressed.

The truth is that they are right. I have changed. Not in my belief about equality or in my values. But in the way I see the world. How I see some I respected. Who I consider friends, and how I view myself. I’m now not just happy to accept being the “Israel guy”, but I wear it as a badge of honour. I’m proud to be called a “belligerent and unrepentant Zionist” in an Africa4Palestine press release, and labelled “Mampara of the week” by the Sunday Times because of it.

I have changed in that I’m no longer as young as I used to be. And because with age, comes wisdom, I couldn’t be happier.