In search of the 21st century Jewish woman

TAMAR TABACK

We got talking about pre-Messianic woman (a term coined by Taback to refer to women who are a hybrid of Jewish values of yore and modern times in which we live) and what Perlman thought were her most salient characteristics. She said: “She loves herself.”

“Today, there is a growing propensity among women for comparison,” explained Perlman. “Women look at each other and wonder if they measure up, if they pass the standard of the acceptable, the lovable, the beautiful. It is time for women to wake up to their own beauty and love what they see, from the inside out, who they are, and what they can achieve.

“If a woman recognises the powerful light that is inside of her, she will be able to see it in her sister. That is the telltale sign of a pre-Messianic woman: one who has a clear self-love and whose enthusiasm for her femininity and the gifts that brings the world is applied to all womankind.

“In this way, we rise above our pettiness and harness this powerful energy that has come to the world in extra measure in these times – feminine energy.”

For Perlman, self-love is the human expression of the belief in G-d’s love – a love that permeates our minds, hearts and bodies.

“I think one of the important aspects of a pre-Messianic woman,” Perlman continues, “is that she lives inside her body, while still having access to her soul.

“She does not feel confined to being just ‘practical’ – as some stereotypes suggest she should be – or over-intellectual, perhaps in response to the insults she has endured from the male empire decades ago.

“Rather, she claims her full beauty – her pragmatic side as well as her spiritual side, her brilliance together with her appreciation of beauty, intuition and emotional attunement.”

We reflect on the awe-inspiring image we’ve been dwelling on of modern woman opening up like a butterfly getting ready for flight.

“I think it is important not to get confused in this transitional time,” cautions Perlman. “How do I claim my full potential and still make dinner? I have no doubt that through watching us go through this charged time of transition, our daughters will do it more gracefully.

“The pull between family and personal growth were never meant to be two separate things. It is only in our minds that we create a tension between them. In reality, it is all our essence and it is all one.”

Equally important is knowing and understanding one’s particular mission in life. I ask Perlman how she found her own personal calling.

“Kerplunk – I stumbled on it. I needed coaching, mentoring and healing – and that became my passion.”

She has been doing it for a number of years. What continues to drive her?

“I literally get to witness miracles – women going from darkness to light as they connect with G-d, and how they find their true selves in the very circumstances that were previously so overwhelming for them.”

She tells the story of how one woman – who was adopted and converted to Judaism, and had been living a story that she was “no one from nowhere” – found a profound sense of belonging. She tells of how another woman, clinically infertile, cleared her emotional blockages and fell pregnant.

“Part of the healing process is often clearing out toxic and negative energy that has built up and clogs our systems.”

Often, she says, the pivotal factor in these deep, internal healing journeys is the conscious decision to move from the “victim” stance to “transcendence”.

“By processing our traumas and bringing G-d into the picture we see that He was there all along, and that we were never the ‘bad girl’ we thought we were. It all comes back to our Creator’s love and presence in our lives.”

Very often, this is an “aha” moment, she says, “where the knowledge that Hashem was building our souls through the experiences in our lifetime becomes part of our energetic knowing. This knowing also marks our healing as complete.”

Whether it is womankind emerging as butterflies or our personal healing stories from victimhood to transcendence, the way to spread our wings is to fight the good fight that is necessary to break free of our old cocoons – outdated ways of perceiving life and thinking about ourselves.

Ultimately, the butterfly flies freely in the light and brings love and wonder to everyone around her, as she brings the light home.

Rebbetzin Tamar Taback teaches in Johannesburg and runs workshops on Torah-based healing.  Her shiurim can be heard on www.TorahAnytime.com, and her own website www.thenexus.com explores where Torah meets the lives of women and women meet their inner selves.