Inculcating strong morals in your children

ELIANA CLINE

His lecture addressed the pressing concerns of the modern parent and offered practical and profound advice for parents looking to raise happy and moral children.

One of the challenges facing parents is ensuring one’s child grows up with intact self-esteem, he said. The answer to this is to promote an “assertive humility” within a child which is a means to be confident of one’s capabilities, while simultaneously acknowledging that they are G-d given.

If parents believe that each child is entrusted by G-d to the parent and a parent’s role is to allow their uniqueness to go out to the world, this will in turn inculcate confidence in the child that he/she has something valuable to offer the world.

The Jewish morning prayer “Modeh Ani” offers a powerful affirmation in this regard. The prayer acknowledges that it is G-d who created and runs the world, and that He has given life. By saying this prayer every morning, one connects to G-d and his/her inherent worthiness.

A second challenge facing parents is the myriad eternal influences a child encounters. Peer groups, media and societal norms all impact one’s child.

Parents often fear that their ability to influence their child is non-existent. However, children yearn to know right from wrong; children will always follow their parents’ values, says Wolf. The imperative is thus on parents to have a strong moral value system and to believe fully in that system. Despite the poor morality of the society we live in, with the strength of the parents’ convictions, the moral revolution can begin at home.

How does one impart a value system to one’s children?

The first is by modelling moral behaviour in one’s personal interactions. A parent who learns how to stay connected to his/her child in times of provocation displays a real-life example of moral behaviour. It will also enable a parent to maintain their emotional connection to the child which is the child’s deepest desire.

Anger is never positive and always creates disconnection, Wolf emphasised. Thus a parent needs to learn how to maintain their inner calm, no matter what. Wolf recommends using meditation techniques to achieve this.

The second way to impart values is to constantly talk about one’s beliefs. The Shabbat table is an excellent place to start. It is around the table that children get to know their parents, and know what is important to them, says Wolf. He encourages parents to use this forum as a way to share values, viewpoints and experiences with one’s children, even from a young age.

Wolf also emphasised the crucial role of grandparents in today’s world. Do not underestimate one’s role as a grandparent, said Wolf, addressing the grandparents. A grandparent can be a safe place where a child can share his innermost feelings and trust in the love and support a grandparent offers.