Inspection in loco suggested for Duduzane’s Dubai pad

Errol Horwitz, Cape Town

It was recently reported that in 2015 you purchased a swanky Dubai flat for nearly R18 million in the prestigious Burj Khalifa. I am pleased your association with the Gupta brothers has not only been an enriching experience, but one that has taught you to geographically diversify your property portfolio. 

Although I, and many South Africans have never met you, we do have a special relationship. As South African taxpayers we funded the purchase of your flat through an exclusive VIP-funded programme, the brainchild of you know who, infamously known as “State Capture”. 

Inasmuch as I, and my fellow taxpayers are third party beneficiaries in the purchase of your flat, we clearly share in the fruits thereof. I suggest a timeshare arrangement managed by your friends at the Saxonwold compound. 

I plan to be in Dubai in two weeks’ time to check out the place and report back to my fellow timeshare beneficiaries. Please ensure a plentiful supply of Chivas and caviar, not forgetting fresh sheets on the beds. 

I, and my fellow South African taxpayers are keen to meet you. I suggest we do so over a drink – that’s what new friends do.