Just say thank you!

During the past December holiday season, I happened upon a stationery shop and saw on one of its shelves a gratitude journal. Its cover was bright orange with the letters, “I am grateful – 365 days of gratitude” written in bold across the cover. Intrigued and ready for an adventure, I bought this little A5 journal and on the spur of the moment, committed to write at the end of every day three things I was grateful for. As a bonus on the bottom row of the page, there’s a line or two to write down three words that describes your day.

That first night, excitedly, I opened the fresh, clean book and penned my first entry. I must admit, it took a lot of thought. I had to relive my day and really concentrate to find three things that I was grateful for. I struggled somewhat, but managed to get the three items down. I didn’t want to be kitsch about it. I tried my level best to be genuinely and sincerely grateful for things, and to focus on the meaning of what they were for me.

Interestingly, I must admit, I struggled the first few weeks to find three things every single day. But I persevered, and as time went by, surprisingly, it became a little easier. Now it’s a habit, and every day before I fall asleep, I make sure to pen in the three requisite items.

Even more astonishingly, there are times now as I go about my day that I surprisingly notice something during the day and say, “Ah, this is something to be grateful for!” and make a mental note to add it to my journal later that night.

As I opened the journal this week, a thought came to me. This exercise has been eye opening for me. I was flexing a muscle that I wasn’t using adequately, and the proof was in the pudding. The more I practiced gratitude, the easier it became, and the more aware I was of the good things that were happening to me. Some were big and others were small, but nevertheless, they were good. Then I thought, why was this so difficult in the beginning? If I was to be honest with myself, I’ve had a tremendous number of good things happen to me during my lifetime (thank you, Hashem!) Why was it never properly acknowledged … what’s the deal here?

If you spend a few minutes thinking this through, you’ll very easily see that we are hardwired as humans to vacillate towards the negative much more easily than the positive. It’s much easier to see the cup half empty than the cup half full. Much easier to see the next person’s bad points than their good ones, much more money is made selling bad news than good news … which, while talking about that, when last did you see a headline on your social-media feed that spoke about good things? It’s only about how bad everything is, how much worse it can become, how corrupt everything is. How upside down everything is. The sad reality is that we’re so used to hearing about bad things that we almost never focus on good things.

A story comes to mind. Many years ago in 1977, the Lubavitcher Rebbe suffered a severe heart attack. He was chided by those close to him, especially his medical doctor, to take things easier and slow down, or as the doctor put it, “Rebbe, if you continue, you have a 20% chance of another attack.” To which the Rebbe responded, “So what you’re saying is that I have an 80% chance that nothing will happen?”

What a flip! I imagine that if we lived our lives like this, a lot of anxiety, worry, and depression would simply go away. Our entire perspective of the world would start becoming colourful again and pulsate with vitality.

As you read this article, we are about to herald in the New Year 5782. Externally, the world looks greyer every day, and the news gets more and more depressing. We can all sit down and bemoan the year gone past, the trials and tribulations, the hardships, and challenges. Indeed, to be a realist, all that’s true. It’s been painful, it’s been gruelling. But you and I have a choice – get swallowed up in all this negativity, continue to perpetuate the bad news, or maybe it’s simply time to look for the good things in your life and focus your attention on them.

For starters, if you’re reading this, you’ve made it to another year. G-d has granted your life! And I’m sure G-d has granted each one of us a lot more than that. Stop for a few minutes and meditate, even better, write down all the good things that have happened to you this past year. Not just three items, make it ten! Twenty!

You’ll see that behind the madness and mess, G-d has been looking after us, guiding us, and trying so hard to bring us to a better place. This world doesn’t run haphazard. There’s a plan and a direction. Perhaps we haven’t allowed it to come to fruition because we’re still stuck on what’s wrong as opposed to trying to find out what’s right.

If you knew you were about to meet the Queen of England, would you just complain about how the weather isn’t conducive, how long you must wait, or how you must dress? Nay, you would be excited at the privilege, you’d ignore the inconveniences, and you’d be grateful for the opportunity. So, here’s your opportunity to bring yourself to a state of gratitude and realise what G-d has truly done for you this year. Then, when we are granted an audience on Rosh Hashanah, we can stand before the king and ask that He continue to shower us with revealed blessing. And why wouldn’t G-d acquiesce – who can say no to a child who is grateful and thankful for everything he has?

Wishing you all a year of revealed sweetness and abundant blessings. Shana tova!

• Rebbetzin Aidel Kazilsky is a radio and television host and an inspirational speaker who teaches the wisdom of Torah, and applies it to contemporary times.