Life goes on, but we’re not okay

People marvel at Israel’s resilience. They think life just goes on for us. They see us going to work, to the beach, and to restaurants. Everything looks “normal” in spite of the war that rages all around us. “Israelis are so resilient,” they say.

Let me tell you what our resilience is, it’s going about our daily lives as normally as we can because if we stop moving, we’ll crumble. We’re like that prize vase that fell and broke into a million pieces and was hastily glued back together but will never be the same. So, if you see us on the beach, going out, or looking “normal”, we aren’t. Every precious soul murdered or still held captive by Hamas shatters us. Every fallen soldier breaks our heart more. We dread the words “cleared for publication”. Our hearts stop. We read the names, each one a punch to the gut. We go to the funerals. We go to the shivot. We rage and cry.

It may be September, but for Israelis, it’s still 7 October. So, yes, we may appear resilient, but take a few moments to scratch the surface and look inside.

This week was case in point. We’re broken-hearted and shattered by the news that Hersh Goldberg-Polin, Ori Danino, Carmel Gat, Eden Yerushalmi, Alex Lobanov, and Almog Sarusi were brutally executed by Hamas in captivity, so close to their possible release. Each one a universe.

When the news broke, a collective cry of grief and despair rang out across the country. We were shattered. Nothing else mattered that day except the “beautiful six” and their families. All I could think about was the exceptional Rachel Goldberg-Polin standing at the border with Gaza last week, screaming, “Hersh, Hersh, it’s mama!” Her anguish and that of the other families squeezed my soul. I pray with all my heart that he heard her. I pray that in those final hours, he heard the raw, magnificent love of his mama.

I struggle not to contemplate the final moments of Ori, Hersh, Alex, Almog, Carmel, and Eden. Ori. Hersh. Alex. Almog. Carmel. Eden.

Devastation and grief is interspersed with anger.

Anger. Anger at the situation. Anger at the futility of it all. Anger that so many across the world said, ‘All eyes on Rafah’, but failed to turn their gaze to our hostages who were there. Anger at world leaders who discouraged the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) from entering Rafah. As someone who grew up in South Africa, anger at those who claim that South Africa is the moral conscience of the world because of the case at the International Court of Justice. This idea is laughable when those who have Hamas leaders on speed dial could have shown some humanity for the hostages. Anger at their hypocrisy. Anger that there’s now growing disunity on the streets of Israel.

Anger that Ori, Hersh, Alex, Almog, Carmel, and Eden won’t realise their dreams. Ori won’t marry his love, Liel. Hersh will never go on those travel trips he dreamed about. Alex will never meet his second child, born while he was in captivity. Almog is reunited with his love, Shahar, who was murdered on that Black Saturday. Carmel will never finish her studies as an occupational therapist. Eden will never become a Pilates instructor.

Living in Israel right now is living in a perpetual pressure cooker. Rockets continue to be fired at our northern communities. Terror is flaring in the West Bank. Houthi rebels are sponsored by Iran; the IDF is engaged in heavy combat in Gaza; other projectiles are fired from Syria and Iraq; and the non-kinetic battlefields are in the courts and media.

Israel is at war with Iran, which is fighting through its terror proxies.

We in Israel know that the Jewish world aches with us, but the Israeli experience is very different to that of the diaspora. We know many of you feel that the distance makes you helpless but the one thing you can and must do is speak up for the remaining 101 hostages. Please don’t allow them to be forgotten. This isn’t just an Israeli issue, it’s a global issue and needs a global response. There are Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, and others from more than 20 countries held captive in the Hamas terror tunnels. Be their voice.

Ask us how we’re feeling, because we’re still not okay. The Jewish nation is devastated, but for us in Israel living through war, the devastation is different. It’s a pain more excruciating than words can express. We don’t know how or when this ends, but we do know that as difficult as it is some days, we’ll get up every morning, put one foot in front the other, and get on with our lives. We’ll go to the beach, get on the train to work, eat in restaurants, and continue to fight for our captive brothers and sisters. We’ll live. That’s our victory.

• Rolene Marks is a Middle East commentator often heard on radio and TV and the co-founder of Lay of the Land and the SA-Israel Policy Forum.