‘Manne’ for megawatts

Once again, South Africa leads the world. And this time it’s in the vexing area of gender assignment.

The debate around gender can finally be solved. And, at the risk of being “cancelled” (again), I’m going to suggest that South Africans could showcase this to the world. There are two genders, male and female, and the determination thereof is simpler than could previously have been imagined.

To prove the theory, the following is required: a family sized dining room table, six comfortable chairs, refreshments, and six South African participants. The group of non-gender-specific (or is that gender non-specific) subjects will need to allow a few hours to determine unequivocal results. But in my experience, outcomes might be determined after as little as 15 to 20 minutes.

Although there are several alternatives, for the quickest and most accurate finding, I would suggest the following process:

The group gathers around the table. Refreshments are offered. After about five minutes of general chatter, the group controller will need to ask, “What time will loadshedding take place?” Whereas there might be a few suggestions and answers, along with the required bashing of the African National Congress, one person will always answer, “I don’t even know anymore. Not since we installed solar.”

This is the alpha male, and he can be categorised immediately in terms of gender.

One participant down.

The remaining five will now enter the alternative-energy discussion. Rent to own versus outright ownership will be debated. And whereas all members of the group might have a view on this, the men are more likely to spend time contemplating the business model of the installers. As though it matters.

It’s important to note that female participants will sustain a maximum of three minutes of interest in the discussion before moving on to another subject. In addition, they won’t use terms that include “megawatts, voltage, kilowatts per hour, lithium, or efficiency”. Use of any of this terminology will place them in the male category. That said, the group controller needs to be aware that there’s a reasonable chance that females in the group might use words such as “solar panels”, and could even know how many they have on their roof. Use of “solar panel” is gender neutral, and shouldn’t be utilised for assignment purposes.

I arrived at this gender determination methodology purely by accident. It was, in fact, my wife who first pointed out that men seem to be able to spend a significant amount of time discussing electricity supply and the alternatives to Eskom.

She might have put it differently and said, “It’s so boring!” and “It’s not normal how much time you and your friends can speak about this!” In frustration, she may have added, “Do you actually care how much electricity the garden fountain uses and what percentage your battery is sitting at every minute of the day?”

The answer was a resounding “Yes!” And when I said so, she shook her sadly and walked away.

Indeed, the stereotypes employed might well offend some. And they might not be absolute. Before disagreeing, find a family sized table, gather six people together and ask, “What time is loadshedding?” And then let’s chat.