#MeToo movement starts in childhood

TALI FEINBERG

I was doing my PhD in sociology and was trying to find out how and when sexual harassment starts. We think of sexual harassment and abuse as being between two adults, but I realised it can originate a lot earlier. However, there was no research on this in Israel, so Giladi did her PhD in London, where her findings led to new ways of understanding sexual harassment in children.

She was in Cape Town last week to work with United Herzlia Schools, Waldorf Schools, and the Dream Factory, which supports women who have been sexually abused. But, her work is relevant to every facet of society. Ultimately, she found that when children play, they learn norms of behaviour. And if sexual harassment is allowed, it can continue into adulthood.

She gives an example of how she once saw a boy run up to a girl on the playground and kiss her on the cheek. The girl asked him not to do it, but he did it again, so she told her teacher. In spite of the girl being upset, the teacher told her that the boy liked her, “wanted to be her boyfriend”, and she must give him her phone number.

This “boys will be boys” scenario is typical in all childhood environments, but Giladi says it needs to change because it is actually sexual harassment. If that boy is told that this behaviour is okay and that girl is told it is normal and she must welcome it, these patterns will continue into adulthood.

To put a stop to this, Giladi works with schools, teachers, parents, children, and caregivers across Israel through her organisation Voice of Child Association for the Prevention of Sexual Abuse among Young Children, under the hashtag #MeTooChildren.

Her workshops explain what is acceptable and what is not, and empowers children to know how to react if they are sexually harassed. It also teaches children and parents to put a stop to behaviours that begin in childhood which could lead to antisocial behaviour later.

Giladi works with children as young as four, because at this age, they begin to understand gender norms and the boundaries regarding their bodies.

Her workshops are age-appropriate, using animals like a tortoise, a snail, and a frog to talk about respect, dignity, and equality.

At the same time, she ensures that children have the language to understand these values, and she also ensures that they use the proper words for private parts. “Once they have the language and the tools, they can go out into the world and be assertive about their bodies,” says Giladi.

She points out that this is relevant to all parents, not only those with girls. The most common sexual harassment she sees is boys to girls, then boys to boys, then girls to girls, and then girls to boys. For example, she spoke to boys who play a game where they squeeze the private parts of another boy if he misses scoring a goal in sport. Girls touch each other’s breasts to guess the cup size when they get their first bra. All of these constitute sexual harassment. In Israel, parents can sue for this kind of behaviour, it is taken so seriously.

Giladi says if children behave like this, it is usually about power, as sexuality is not yet in play. She mostly sees it in children who are in the middle of the social pecking order, and want to gain access to the top of the hierarchy by doing something “illicit” or “brave”.

What are the signs that a child might be being sexually harassed or even abused? Giladi says to look out for bedwetting, crying, not wanting to go to school, making sexual comments or jokes, isolating themselves, bulimia, anorexia, and complaining of pain that is not easily explained by a doctor. Ultimately, “if a child’s behaviour changes, then look into it. Don’t explain it away or say it is a phase that will pass,” says Giladi.

Giladi trains people all over the country to run her workshops and implement her methods. She is also the national HIPPY (Home Instruction for Parents and Preschool Youngsters) Director in Israel, which serves more than 3 000 families a year. She also oversees seven prevention programmes in about 90 municipalities which educate at-risk families before the birth of the child until the child is seven years old.

She has written a book, Sexual Harassment – No Children’s Play, which focuses on identifying early childhood sexual harassment, understanding and coping with it, and preventing it in the education system and at home. The book can be purchased online.

Giladi’s work has been recognised by the Israeli government. Her Voice of Child Association received a certificated from the Israeli ministry of education, and she received a certificate of recognition from ICASH (International Coalition against Sexual Abuse) for her contribution to sexual-abuse research.

“I’ve been researching this for 19 years, and the world is now ready to hear it,” says Giladi, referring to the #MeToo movement. She wants parents to know that they have the power to encourage a new dynamic between boys and girls, and that it is no longer acceptable to justify behaviour as “boys will be boys”. Ultimately, if we work to change this now, these children will not need a #MeToo movement when they are adults.