Momo hoax raises scary parenting issues

GILLIAN KLAWANSKY

Naturally you panic, but as you delve deeper – as very few do – you realise that it’s a classic case of fake news.

That’s not to say that there aren’t any technological threats to our children. But we need to separate fact from fiction, remain calm, and practice responsible parenting to give kids the resources they need to deal with legitimate dangers.

“Parents need to be more worried about the real threats children face from bullies in their own environments or on social media than about rumours and scare-mongering,” says Arthur Goldstuck, the Managing Director of technology market research company World Wide Worx, and the editor-in-chief of online consumer technology magazine Gadget.

“Parents of young children especially need to share in their child’s technology life, and be aware of what they have and do on their devices. Most parents abdicate responsibility based on their children supposedly knowing far more than they do. That’s far scarier than a hoax app.”

Clinical psychologist Ruth Ancer agrees, but takes the issue further. “Of course, the hoax highlights that parents should know what’s going on with their kids, but what it highlights more is that people shouldn’t have a reflexive panic response to such stories. Often, because ‘news’ is posted online, people assume it’s by a legitimate source. Yet, the panic this creates does much more damage than the initial cause of said panic.

“There needs to be a balance between preparing your children to face such threats and frightening them,” she says. “I see so many anxious children in my practice. The reason is often because they’re scared by the fears of their parents. Often, those fears are out of proportion to reality. That’s not to minimise the real dangers. To deal with these, parents need to have open communication with their children. If [your children] come across anything sinister online, they need to feel safe enough to come to you and tell you what they saw.”

Yet, how do we approach our kids about threats without scaring them? “First, find out what they already know,” says Ancer. “Ask without inserting fear. Tell them, ‘If you ever see something that worries you, you must tell me.’

“If there’s a legitimate threat with substantial evidence, talk to them. If there’s not, say that there’s a rumour, it doesn’t seem like it’s true, but if there’s ever something in a video telling them to do something horrible, they must come and tell you. Tell them that the things we watch on the internet are not supposed to scare us or tell us to do horrible things. Most of all keep things in perspective.”

It’s ultimately about educating yourself and your children. “Help your children to develop a sense of judgement rather than just banning things,” says Ancer. “If something scares them, first make sure it’s real. You can’t protect them for the rest of their lives. They need to have the tools to check up on stories before they just believe them.”

Yet, how do we know how to determine whether an online threat is real? Goldstuck uses Momo as an example. “It’s largely a hoax,” he says, “drawing on elements that have a ring of truth and fragments of fact to give those who want to defend it a basis for pointing to its veracity.” Goldstuck explains how to recognise such hoaxes, which have common hallmarks.

“The first is that one cannot track them to the source. When you do find supposed witnesses, they’re either anonymous, can’t be traced for comment, or turn out to be fictitious,” he says.

“The second trademark of this and any urban legend is that the people sharing or repeating the story are never the people to whom it happened. It usually happened to a friend of a friend, or someone who knows someone who passed it on to the person sharing it.

“The third trademark can be summed up in one word: hysteria,” says Goldstuck. “Authentic scares tend to be surrounded by reasoned commentary, sober assessment, and practical advice. Panic legends are characterised by high emotion, excessive use of capital letters and exclamation marks, and exhortations for people to pass it on to everyone they know.”

Another issue raised by the panic surrounding Momo is how parents can and should monitor and control their children’s online activity. Tech entrepreneur and parent, Antony Seeff, previously brought out KidTech, which offered “safe” cell phones for school kids by providing a cell phone contract and smartphone with pre-installed parental control apps and educational games. While the product did ignite interest, it was ultimately discontinued.

“There are many apps available, parents just need to get around to installing them,” says Seeff. “That’s what we’ve found is the biggest issue. Parents know there’s a problem, and they know that there are appropriate apps, but no-one does anything about it. That’s why we took this product to market, to help parents who know they should be doing something.”

These days, smartphones themselves come with some parental-control features, says Seeff. Google has a child safety product that it has launched for android, iPhones have parental controls, and parental-control app and family locator OurPact is available on all android devices. Antivirus company Norton also offers the Norton Family parental control app.

Israeli technology is at the forefront of parental-control apps. “Israeli company Keepers has great technology mainly around cyberbullying and sexually inappropriate behaviour,” says Seeff. “It monitors all your kids’ chat apps and the moment dodgy behaviour is picked up, it notifies parents by sending them a snapshot of the conversation. Parents can’t spy on everything, but they’re notified when they need to be. Keepers is being rolled out internationally, but it’s not available in South Africa yet.”

Experts agree that managing your kids’ online activity comes down to good parenting.

“Issues like bullying, peer pressure, and sexually inappropriate content are being manifested through technology, but they’re still social issues,” says Seeff. “We can’t only rely on technological solutions. Have good controls in place – don’t let your kids sleep with their phones in their rooms, for example. Know what your kids are doing on their phones, what apps they’re using, and what shows they’re watching online. Depending on the age and maturity of the child, check their phones now and again to make sure that nothing suspect is going on. Many new-age parents are scared to encroach on their kids’ independence. But as a parent, you have the right and responsibility to know what’s going on with your child.”