‘New normal’ leads to ‘abnormal’ behaviour in kids

People are beginning to adapt to the “new normal”, but the psychological effects of lockdown on children may be felt for years to come. However, experts say that children are resilient, and there are ways for parents to manage the anxiety and behavioural issues that may arise as a result of living through a pandemic.

“COVID-19 has dramatically transformed the structure of modern childhood. Although most children haven’t experienced the infection, most have been exposed to life changes and stresses,” says Ilana Edelstein, a clinical psychologist practicing in Cape Town.

“There are limited studies on the emotional consequences of COVID-19, and its exact impact may be unclear for a long time. However, it’s well recognised that exposure to stressors increases rates of emotional vulnerability among children,” she says. “Young children may be more clingy, inattentive, and irritable. Older children may display mood swings, problems with concentration and attention, sleep difficulties, eating disorders, and body aches.”

“There have been pros and cons of lockdown for kids,” says Johannesburg psychiatrist Caroline Serebro, who squeezed in time to talk to the SA Jewish Report as she has never been so busy. “Kids of all ages are ‘acting out’ and demonstrating aggression and anxiety. I’m seeing more adolescents and kids than I’ve seen in a long time.

“Being Jewish, we’re always waiting for disaster with heightened vigilance. So if we’re genetically predisposed to anxiety, it may come out now in kids who may have never otherwise experienced it,” she says. “There’s a lot of loss and grief for what we took for granted, like going to camp at the end of the year. We need to give kids the space to grieve those losses.

“Many kids managed at the beginning of lockdown, but are ‘unravelling’ now, as they deal with the anxiety of reintegrating into school and dealing with changes around seeing family and friends,” she says. Yet there have also been many positives, such as both parents working from home and more quality family time.

Serebro says many children were given devices or extra TV time under lockdown. Now, they and their parents are dealing with the ugly after-effects of withdrawal as they wean kids off endless hours in front of a screen.

In addition, with death and illness dominating our headlines and conversations, families have had to confront difficult and frightening topics with their children that they may not have had to before.

“The biggest effect of lockdown on children has been loss of routine and structure,” says Yael O’Reilly, a clinical psychologist practicing in Johannesburg. “This can be seen in many forms, but especially in the uncertainty around school. The loss of familiarity has manifested in a lot of anxiety, clinginess, and separation anxiety. Some kids have regressed in their behaviour or skills, for example wetting the bed.

“Kids – especially younger kids – don’t always have the ‘emotional literacy’ to express themselves. So this comes out behaviourally,” she says. “Children may be defiant, oppositional, tearful, and have more tantrums. While parents may see this as ‘being out of control’, children are communicating their emotional distress.

“The type of fear children may be experiencing is similar to that experienced by adults,” says Edelstein. “For example, fear of dying, fear of family or friends dying, or a fear of becoming ill and needing medical treatment. Some children’s anxiety may be exacerbated by losing loved ones to the virus. Further disruptions or losses may include the erosion of family and community connections, limited access to play spaces, diminished support systems, and economic vulnerability of the family.”

She says this time of loss may “trigger” children to be affected by losses they might have experienced in the past. “Having to process one loss after another may have some negative effects on children coping and on their mental-health outcomes over time.”

All three experts say that the best way to manage these psychological effects are to remain calm and model this behaviour for children, keep communicating in an open and honest way, stick to routines as much as possible, ensure you as a parent get the support you need, and stay positive. If none of this helps, it’s worth seeking help from a professional.

“It’s important to work with your child’s school and get their input,” says Serebro. She advises identifying the spaces where a child is struggling emotionally, be it at home, school, or both. If it’s only one particular area, it may feel less overwhelming for the parent and child to deal with it.

O’Reilly advises using visual tools to help your child make sense of the “new normal” and the impact it has on their life. “Children interpret the world through visual cues. For young children, you could draw pictures of what you can and can’t do at the moment, or draw what their day will look like.”

Also, “keep talking to your kids, acknowledge what a big adjustment it has been, and reassure them that you will navigate it with them”, she says. “While there’s so much we cannot control at the moment, it’s vital to keep as much consistency as possible, which gives children a sense of safety. They may rebel against this, but knowing where the boundaries are makes them feel secure when everything is so chaotic.”

“If properly supported, parents and children can appropriately overcome this period of distress and avoid long-term consequences,” says Edelstein. “Indeed, stable mental health is key to restoring a healthy and robust post-pandemic society.

“Kids are more resilient than we them give credit for, and I’ve seen that now,” says O’Reilly. “Children went back to school and got used to it quickly. They rolled with the punches. I think our kids will be fine, and this experience will make them more resilient.

“Importantly, we create the blueprint for our children’s behaviour,” she says. “So the first step is that we look after ourselves. If we don’t feel supported, we can’t hold that space for our kids. If parents have empathy, care, and support, it naturally filters down to our children, and will help them to manage the difficulties that have come and that are potentially still coming.”

“The world has changed, and it’s tough to wait and see what will happen when things are so uncertain,” says Serebro. “But we need to reassure kids that it won’t always be hard, and we will figure it out together.”