Not having a ball: matric dance takes its toll

Matric dance season is supposed to be a time when students and their parents celebrate their school careers, but for some, it’s filled with dread.

The psychological and financial pressure of the matric dance can take away from the enjoyment of this special day spoken about for the entire matric year, if not longer.

The dance is expensive. Over and above the tickets for the dance itself, parents often need to buy tickets to the after party – which can almost be as expensive as the dance – as well as the clothing and transportation for the dance.

Scrolling through the Facebook group The Village, one sees mothers sharing their woes about their children’s upcoming matric dances. One mother posed the question, “Why don’t we start normalising hosting the dance at the school like we always did in the day?”

An anonymous member of The Village says her daughter has found a dress and car for her matric dance that they describe as a “completely over-the-top number that is expensive and impractical”. “I know I’ll need to get a dress made, but this will be an over-the-top custom wedding dress type budget,” she says. “I just cannot bring myself to pay these types of prices for a matric dance. The tickets alone were nearly R2 000 for her and her boyfriend.”

Above the dance itself, another anonymous member of The Village says, “I’m struggling to understand the concept. The cost of the matric dance itself is R800 plus. Then the dress and the extras. Why has the plan to leave the dance early to change into casual clothes to go to another event become the norm?”

In terms of clothing, a member of The Village posted, “What kind of madness is this to spend a fortune on a matric ball? How did we allow this expectation from our kids that we’ll be spending so much money on this event?”

With all the pressure on children and parents, it begs the question whether it’s all worth it. For an event that’s supposed to be the culmination of a school career, are we all focusing on the right things to make it as special as possible?

King David High School Victory Park social worker Gita Lipschitz says, “We’re aware of the pressure on students in terms of choosing a partner, paying for the tickets, and of course, the outfit!”

Says Meryl Malkin, social worker at King David High School Linksfield, “We feel that the matric dance is a transitional ceremony that signifies the formal end of schooling and the entry into the adult world. To this end, it’s a wonderful affair for pupils and staff to celebrate this milestone. We’re aware that this comes with a financial cost, and we do our utmost to keep the costs down each year and in line with other schools.

“We offer material assistance to those in need, and encourage pupils not to be over the top in terms of their budget for their outfit and transport,” Malkin says. “If we’re offering material assistance [tickets, after party tickets, clothes, hair, and makeup], this is handled sensitively and confidentially. The pupils are given the same opportunities as everyone else and are made to feel special. We offer this to allay the strain on parents, and we have specific donors who hold this cause close to their hearts and want their donations to be used for the matric dance.”

Says Lipschitz, “The price tag can be hefty, so our school, in conjunction with the King David Schools Foundation provides financial assistance to those in need.”

“What’s wonderful about this assistance,” Malkin says, “is that the boys then have a suit that they can wear for yomtov, job interviews, and weddings, and girls have a formal dress that they can use for other occasions.”

On the topic of possibly changing the way that the matric dance is held, Malkin says, “Every year, we relook at the matric dance and in a changing world, it seems that the tradition and predictability of the way it has always been is welcomed by the children. They seem to want to hold on to what they know. We do have some pupils that don’t bring a date. Once the COVID-19 pandemic restrictions were lifted slightly, we held a casual braai on the school campus instead of a matric dance as we still wanted to honour this tradition in some way, but the pupils couldn’t wait to return to the formal dinner-dance structure of the event.”

“We’ve noticed a growing trend among students to take friends in the grade group, and share a table among themselves,” Lipschitz says. “We encourage this as it lessens the anxiety about finding a date and makes the evening more enjoyable and relaxing.”

“The matric dance looks very different at Yeshiva College,” says Caryn Horowitz, Yeshiva’s social worker. “There are no partners. The dance is just the girls and boys from Grades 11 and 12. This means that there’s no financial pressure or stress that comes with the other dances.” Furthermore, “There isn’t the same formal attire as at other matric dances. Many girls wear something borrowed or a Shabbat outfit. The focus is on good, clean fun as it’s more of a lovely party than a ‘dance’. It shouldn’t be anxiety-provoking or stressful for the students at all.”

Ultimately, those involved say it’s important to remember that the dance is supposed to be a time of excitement and celebration of 12 long years of school. And once the day comes, the pressures often melt away at the fun and pride of all involved.