Not letting the biggest loss stop him

JORDAN MOSHE

But Shane, who was in Grade 8 at the time, was not the kind of person to sit back and feel sorry for himself.

“I didn’t want to sit by as a victim,” he says. “Playing the victim game gets you nowhere, and I believed that if I treated myself the way I had before, people around me would do the same.”

Apparently, it worked. Shane became head boy of his school and did lots of community work. He scored seven distinctions and came in the top 1% in three subjects.

He recalls his primary school years: “I had a normal life. There were no challenges. I had everything I needed and I was perfectly happy.”

He spent much of his time visiting terminally ill children at Chris Hani Baragwanath Hospital in Soweto and doing other community work. As head boy of King David Primary School Linksfield and a Johannesburg Mini Council representative, Shane also performed well academically, and was determined to do well.

This changed when his father committed suicide in July 2013. “Suddenly, I was being told by everyone around me how my life was never going to be the same, how I would have to mature overnight and change the way I live. I didn’t want to. I wanted to go on being normal. I didn’t want to be a different person.”

Shane threw himself into his community service with vigour, determined to avoid becoming a victim of his circumstances. He got deeply involved in working with the President’s Award youth empowerment programme (serving as a member of its youth committee between 2014 and 2015, and as chairman in 2016). Shane believed that being involved in meaningful activities would allow him to see past the difficulty of his circumstances.

His CV lists a host of community service accomplishments in junior high school, including a vegetable garden project in Soweto, community service projects in rural South African villages and week-long trips to Nelspruit working with inmates of Barberton Maximum Security Prison. “I did those things for myself. Yes, my circumstances as a privileged Jewish pupil may have afforded me these opportunities, but I pursued them to improve myself, to do something that would enhance who I was.”

However, Shane admits that he continued harbouring bitter feelings about his father’s death and used his involvement in community work to distract him from his emotions.

“I hadn’t yet confronted how I truly felt about my loss. I wasn’t thinking about acceptance or moving on, only about everything I was doing at the time. That’s how I kept my mind from wandering back.” In Grade 10 he found himself at a crossroads. “The chance to fall into the role of victim was still available to me. I could become helpless, question my circumstances and chase after sources of happiness that wouldn’t last. Or, I could triumph over my reality and lead it in whatever direction I chose, moving it towards something greater. I could look at others as a source of inspiration and as people who could help me move forward.”

Shane drew on his memories of his father, bringing him to mind during his activities. “It was when the #BringBackOurGirls campaign ­ sparked by the 2014 kidnapping of more than 270 schoolgirls from their dormitory in Chibok, Nigeria, by Jihadist militant organisation Boko Haram ­ was launched that I realised that my father was with me in everything I do. I decided then to commit myself to the campaign with him in mind, using him to guide me and my decisions. My pain and hardship had their reason, and they were given to me to help me progress.”

This relationship with his father continued to inspire him through matric, a year in which Shane accepted his loss and began to look towards the future.

Continuing his community service, Shane was elected head boy and captain of the swimming team, and continued to excel academically.

“Matric is a year in which you start building your future. I missed school days to be involved in things that motivated me to work and invest in myself, believing that they would help open the door to my future.”

These ‘distractions’ clearly exposed Shane to the inspiration he needed to excel in matric. He now plans to use what he learned when he studies accounting at the University of Pretoria this year.

Looking back over last year, he says: “Matric is not a monster. You can’t go in having been influenced by what other people told you about it. It is stressful, but it’s an amazing year in which you launch yourself into your future, overcome your limitations and learn to have a mind of your own. “Make it your own, and expose yourself to the right influences.

I’m looking forward to moving into this new chapter in my life, and I know my father is going to be a part of it.”