Helping women unravel complexity of abuse

PETER FELDMAN

Her debut literary offering, “When Loving Him Hurts”, co-authored with her therapist Sue Hickey, proved a huge success when published last year. This book was borne out of Sklaar’s experiences of three abusive marriages and is a subject close to her heart. In it she shares her painful journey by providing remarkable insight, guidance and hope for anyone trapped in an abusive relationship. 

She told Jewish Report: “I was a very slow learner. I had not one or two but three abusive marriages. It was only after my third divorce that I got the message. I had to face the fact that the common denominator with my men was me.

“Until I understood how I participated in the dance of abuse, I was destined to repeat the pattern. My story exists as proof of this. I am committed to helping women unravel the complexities of abuse so that they too can break the cycle of abuse.”

Her second book, “The Affair – Recovery from Illicit Sex, Lies and Betrayal”, also co-authored with Hickey, was inspired by many people who suggested that “having an affair” was a natural extension of the first book.

She said: “Women have asked for this book. They do so almost apologetically, afraid of being seen to be making more of it than is necessary.

“They ask for it while saying that they understand that ‘men are like that’. However, the statistics tell us that it is not just men. Women are also suffering from a crisis of monogamy. As more and more women enter the workplace, as more women have access to the Internet, they too are unable or unwilling to stay true to their marriage vows.

“Quite simply, women are being provided with the same opportunities that were previously only available to men and unmarried women. It seems that opportunity is directly linked to infidelity.”

With Women’s Month upon us, Sklaar said she is delighted with the growing status of women in world politics (Hillary Clinton, Theresa May, Angela Merkel).

“I love that America will (most likely) get its first female president. It’s about time! I am so committed to making sure she wins. I am working with a Muslim woman who is the head of an interfaith group. We are planning a march in LA in October to remind Americans that America IS great and to make sure (Donald) Trump never sees the White House.”

She conceded that Hillary Clinton has received a bad rap and that she took Bill back after he had had an affair. 

“The timing of our book, “The Affair”, could not have come at a better time because this is one of the issues we deal with. Women so often feel ashamed for wanting to remain in the marriage after an affair and are blamed for being weak and stupid. This is not the case at all and the book offers comfort to both men and women who choose to stay or leave.”

The book, she said, contains all that she has learnt in the many years of struggling to deal with domestic abuse. “Everything that worked for me, I condensed into a simple formula that can be applied in a practical way. I really believe that had I known differently, I would have done differently.”

She adds: “One of the reasons I co-wrote the book was because the day I accepted I was an abused woman I ran into a bookstore to find answers to tell me what to do. I was desperate for comfort and direction. I couldn’t find any.”

* Sue Hickey has copies of both books for purchase. Her number is (011) 728-8965. Their Facebook page is When Loving Him Hurts, websites: WhenLovingHimHurts.com and PhilippaSklaar.com