Power of the pause

Where did this year go? I guess the saying, “Time flies when you’re having fun” isn’t always true. This hasn’t been an easy year by any stretch of the imagination. Even those who have had a positive year haven’t had an easy one.

It has been tough across the board, or so it seems. I don’t know of anyone who hasn’t had their challenges.

Those who are smiling are those who have managed to turn lemons into lemonade and make the most out of a rough time.

As we move into Rosh Hashanah and look at a fresh new year, one that we’re all hoping and praying will be a whole lot better than the last one or two, it’s important to consider what we have learnt in this period.

The word that keeps coming to mind about what I have learnt is: ‘pause’.

Living through this pandemic has taught me to pause before doing anything. We stop to put on a mask before rushing out. We pause in rushing around to make way and space for other people so we can keep our distance from them.

We pause to consider the needs of those who are sick or in need before rushing off to do something. We have learnt to pause at home during lockdown, rather than carrying on with what used to be our normal life.

In the past week, I have twice run out of my car in a hurry to do something, forgot my mask, and had to rush back to put it on. I hadn’t paused.

It’s so easy to forget that little pause that reminds us what our lives are like in 2021. We have to reconfigure our consciousness to ensure that we are protocol compliant and safe before we do anything every day.

It’s so easy to forget that life has changed, albeit sometimes in small ways, but it has, and it’s unlikely to go back to what we knew as normal.

So, it’s likely that pausing is going to be a part of our lives indefinitely.

I’ve realised that pausing isn’t a bad thing. It’s something I’m grateful to have incorporated into my life. I don’t say that because I enjoy masking up, social distancing, and being far from those I care about, but because pausing, in general, is healthy for us.

It gives us that little bit of time to stop ourselves from doing something we may regret. So, for instance, if someone does something that irks you, it’s so easy to throw an ugly retort at them. To what end, though? When you pause for that split second, you can stop yourself from saying something that will hurt someone. It’s that simple.

If your child is badgering you and you are irritated, and those unnecessary destructive words are just about to tumble out, that pause enables you stop those words in their tracks.

How many times have you had an argument and realised later that it was totally unnecessary and you said things you wish you hadn’t? You know that if you had stopped to think for just one second, you would have found a way that would have had a different result. The pain caused by words can last indefinitely.

I know I can sometime be a bit of a hothead and get angry fast, without thinking too much about why. Sometimes I don’t listen to the meaning behind what people say, but jump to defend myself or someone else. I can land myself in hot water that way. I see so many people doing the same thing. That little pause could help me and others to prevent it.

My dearest friend sent me some inspiring quotes when I told her what I was thinking of writing. She paused to listen to me, and sent me the following: “Before you speak, THINK! The ‘t’ in think stands for “is it true?”, the ‘h’ for ‘is it helpful?’, the ‘i’ for ‘is it inspiring?’, the ‘n’ for ‘is it necessary?’ and the ‘k’ for ‘is it kind?’”

That certainly is food for thought. If we ran that through our minds before we opened our mouths, we would probably cause far less damage. We would also be kinder and more thoughtful human beings.

It seems like such a simple thing to do. And it has, to a certain degree, had to become a part of our lives during the pandemic. We’ve had no choice, but it doesn’t mean we’ve absorbed it into the way we operate on every level. But if we’ve managed to do it most of the time, how difficult would it be to make it an intrinsic part of our day to day lives?

I guess it’s easier said than done, but it’s much like removing gossip (lashon harah) from your conversation. It isn’t easy, but it makes you feel a whole lot better about yourself.

Pausing has the same effect, and it can improve our relationships.

I’m not saying don’t be honest or real, that would defeat the purpose. I’m saying be honest but kind, real but caring.

And when it comes to social media and those fingers do the talking before we think, pausing would really help.

So, as we count down to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we don’t necessarily have to change our entire life and start afresh, although that’s a personal choice. We can simply focus on something that, ultimately, will have a huge impact, but is small. Just pause.

As difficult as it may be for some of us to see the positives that have come out of this pandemic and time in our history, learning to pause is one of the good lessons we can take home.

I wish all of you a shana tova u’metukah, and may the new year bring you all that you wish for!

Shabbat Shalom!

Peta Krost Maunder

Editor

P.S. We won’t be producing a newspaper next week because of Rosh Hashanah, but will return to you the day after Yom Kippur, 16 September.