Purim: hiding behind the mask

GILLIAN KLAWANSKY

Queen Esther may have revealed her real identity to save the Jewish people, but that didn’t stop future generations from staying hidden behind their masks. Even for Esther, being true to herself and her people wasn’t easy.

“It took Mordechai telling her that she had a chance of saving her people by revealing she was Jewish,” says Chabad’s Rabbi Ari Kievman of Sandton Central Shul. “When push came to shove though, Esther really stood up and did what she had to. When it comes to revealing our Jewish identity and, indeed, who we really are as people, Esther had the same questions that we have today. Do I jeopardise my cushy position as a queen, or do I say this is the moment I have to stand up and make a difference? The latter is what she ultimately did.”

We’re certainly not all royalty, but many of us are so comfortable in the socially-acceptable cocoons we weave for ourselves that breaking out can seem impossible. “Often, we struggle with our identity,” says Kievman. “Maybe we’re pretending to be someone we’re not as we try to assimilate into society. Or maybe we simply don’t know who we are. Purim is a fun holiday, but it’s really an opportunity to realise that the mask is just a cover up. Behind the mask is your true identity.”

Yet wearing a mask isn’t all bad. Dressing up occasionally on holidays like Purim gives us a chance to be playful and tap into the hidden sides of ourselves. “For many people, it’s a way to be someone else for a bit,” says clinical psychologist, Lana Levin. “Sometimes masks and playful dress-up outfits allow people to access a part of themselves they normally keep controlled or hidden.

“In a sense, it allows for someone’s ‘inner child’ to come out and play. Purim gives people a chance to be silly in a legitimate way. In truth, we all need to play in our lives, and we shouldn’t need a festival to remind us to do that.”

Yet in a figurative sense, when “wearing a mask” becomes part of your existence, it can be dangerous, cautions Levin. “People pretend to be someone they’re not … narcissists are experts at this. When the mask drops, and the real person becomes visible, what’s portrayed and what’s real are worlds apart.”

While hiding your true feelings from a waiter who enquires how your day’s going is completely acceptable, when you begin denying your emotions, even to yourself, it’s time to make a change. “If this becomes the habitual way of defending yourself emotionally, it’s problematic,” says Levin.

“Generally people wear a mask to cover up more difficult emotions such as anger and sadness. These are often labelled as dangerous feelings. In truth, they’re just feelings. People aren’t taps. We cannot selectively choose to shut some feelings off but keep others. So, when you’re feeling angry or depressed and you shut that down, you’re also shutting down joy, pain, and other legitimate emotions. Emotions aren’t a buffet where you get to keep some and ignore others.”

By consistently suppressing your feelings and pretending to be someone you’re not, you lose sight of yourself. “Nothing can be authentic if you adopt the ‘fake it till you make it’ bravado,” says Levin. “Social media fuels this thinking too.”

Becoming comfortable without the mask takes practice. “Start with safe things on your own,” advises Levin. “Then move to other people and environments. Remember, you can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. So let go of that expectation.”

In an article on Aish.com titled “Purim and the masks we wear”, Rabbi Ari Kahn writes, “Purim is a reminder that we spend so much of our lives dressing up and leading lives that are in dissonance with our souls. We allow our disguises to lull us into a false sense of identity, placing our faith in the masks we wear rather than in the natural beauty of Jewish destiny.”

Finding the kind of courage that Esther did isn’t always easy. But it’s something we’re often forced to do, both as Jews and as individuals living in a world that often forces us to take a stand.

It’s students on university campuses who might not be that religious, but who stand up in support of Israel when encountering a campaign by the BDS (Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions) movement. It’s parents fighting for their children’s best interests even when they feel safer staying in the background. It’s realising that we all have a voice.

Often we have no idea of what we’re capable of until we’re pushed to our limits. Yet, it need not be a dramatic event that forces us to shed our masks. It’s simply about acting in line with what we truly believe every day.

“Our goal as Jews is to find our true clothing and true selves, both as individuals and as a nation,” says Kahn. “This is the clothing of royalty that we hope to reclaim, speedily and in our time.”