Secular Jew takes a walk on the Haredi side

PETA KROST MAUNDER

There is considerable antagonism between the secular and Orthodox communities in Israel. As a secular Jew, I was determined to find out if there is a reason for badmouthing the Orthodox, so I spent a Shabbat with a Haredi family.

As I walked the last stretch to the Kaufmans’ home in Har Nof, Jerusalem, Shabbat was approaching and I realised that there was no longer a car on the road. At first the silence was eerie, but I felt a wave of tranquillity envelop the neighbourhood.

When greeted by Elisheva and Yosef Kaufman, I instinctively reached out to shake hands. Instead of embarrassing me by holding back or saying he didn’t shake hands with women, Yosef said, “I’m sorry, but my hands are dirty.”

Their two-story villa is well-stocked with books on both religious and literary topics. It seems that apart from studying Torah, Yosef is a writer and Elisheva is a professor in veterinary medicine at Jerusalem’s Korei School of Veterinary Medicine.

I soon met Ezra and Eliahu, the Kaufmans’ sons, who are six and three respectively, and the other Shabbat guests – Tamar, Esther and Tammy – who are studying at Orthodox seminaries in Jerusalem.

Elisheva said: “We love having guests for Shabbat, and a weekend doesn’t go by without at least three.”

Jeff Seidel, who arranged the hospitality for me, organises Orthodox homes for tourists or locals to experience Shabbat.

Shortly before Yosef and his eldest son went off to synagogue, Yosef ran through the “do’s and don’ts” of Shabbat in their home. “We don’t switch lights on or off, or pick up muktseh (any material object for the use of which is forbidden on Shabbat) or tear toilet paper. You may flush the toilet and there are separated toilet tissues in the bathroom.”

After a while a siren began wailing, and a jolt of panic struck me: could it be an air raid, the start of a war? No, it was a signal to light the Shabbat candles. So, while the men were welcoming Shabbat in the synagogue, we lit candles.

I asked why only the males went to synagogue. “Generally we don’t attend shul on a Friday night, but sometimes we go on Shabbat morning. It isn’t obligatory either way,” Elisheva replied.

During the traditional Ashkenazi Shabbat dinner, Yosef illustrated various religious issues using riddles and stories, which seemed to me an effective way of teaching.

We talked about the misconceptions secular Jews have of Orthodox Jews. “Most of us do in fact serve in the army, and those who don’t are deferred and not exempt.” Said Yosef. “A deferment for yeshiva students is not the only army deferment one can get in this country. There are sports and certain secular study deferments.”

He said that a secular education in this country had little or no religious input, which created Jewish youth who had no knowledge or understanding of their religion. “It is essential for Jews to at least understand their religion even if they remain secular. The only way to understand it is to study the Torah.”

The Kaufmans, olim from the United States, recalled how they had once been totally ignorant of and disinterested in their Judaism and Jewishness. Yosef was sent a prayer book by a friend when he was in Africa with the Peace Corps. “I didn’t even know what it was until I found the Sh’ma in it. I realised then that it was time to find out what it really meant to be Jewish.”

Elisheva was very involved in the feminist movement, having been brought up to believe that a career is foremost in a woman’s life. “When Yosef told me he wanted us to become religious, I thought he was crazy. But once I finished vet school and learned a bit about the religion, it all made total sense,” she said. “I must admit when I started learning with Rebbetzin Dina Weinberg, we used to spend a lot of time arguing over women in Haredi homes. She made me realise that my preconceived ideas were incorrect.”

On Shabbat morning, while Yosef went to synagogue, the women prayed and read religious literature at home, and the children played games.

It was obvious to me that the children of this household were no different to any other boys their age, except they were probably better disciplined.

There is a belief among secular Jews that Haredi children do nothing but study. From what I could see, although the children are encouraged to study from an early age by their parents, they still lead a normal playful childhood.

At lunch, the boys were quizzed on what they had learned during the week. If they got most of the answers right, they were rewarded. “Rambam said that parents should bribe their children to learn because a child cannot understand the necessity,” explained Yosef.

Before leaving the Kaufmans, I questioned Elisheva and Yosef about harassment by Orthodox Jews. The examples I gave were of a girl who was stoned in Me’a She’arim because she was wearing shorts on a hot summer day, and of cars being stoned on Shabbat.

They both agreed that this gave Orthodoxy a bad name, but Elisheva said, “There are very few people who do these things, and they do not represent us all. Hardly any Orthodox Jews condone these actions. The fact is that although we are striving to be perfect, we have not yet reached perfection.”