Sorry seems to be the hardest word

PETA KROST MAUNDER

South Africans apologise all the time – for almost anything. We say sorry if we brush past a stranger. We say sorry if we sniff because we have a bad cold. We often say sorry when actually we mean “excuse me”. We are a sorry-saying bunch.

But when it really comes down to it, most people find apologising difficult because it requires admitting they did the wrong thing. For some people, saying sorry is a sure sign of weakness. Some people even lower their voices, and say it under their breath.

However, we all make mistakes. And, you can genuinely say sorry only if you can accept what you did was a mistake.

On our front page, we have a perfect example of a “sorry” that was certainly not genuine. It was so fake, it didn’t take long to be outed as such.

Tony Ehrenreich was formerly provincial secretary of the Western Cape region of COSATU (Congress of South African Trade Unions). He is never one to shy away from a fight, one just has to look at his history in online media to see this. He also doesn’t appear to be one to apologise readily when it becomes apparent he may be in the wrong.

Five years ago, he made some ugly, violence-provoking, and racist statements about the South African Jewish Board of Deputies (SAJBD), and anyone who supports Israel. He has been ordered by the South African Human Rights Commission (SAHRC) to say sorry, and he actually went through the motions, or so it seemed.

Surprisingly, he even contacted a journalist from the SA Jewish Report to tell her he had apologised.

Only, his apology was clearly not from the heart. He apologised, but then had a proviso or qualification to his apology. “I am sorry, but…” doesn’t cut it.

When the SAJBD didn’t accept it, he went ballistic with the same old ugly rhetoric, proving that his “sorry” wasn’t genuine. It was rather a case of the so aptly called “fauxpology” or “nonpology”.

The question is: can you actually force someone to apologise? If they strongly believe – rightly or wrongly – in what they say, can you actually make them change their mind? And if not, what’s their apology worth?

We are in a similar situation with Bongani Masuku, also a COSATU activist, who made what we believed to be hate-filled utterances back in 2009. That year, the SAHRC ordered him to apologise for what it called “hate speech”. He refused, and the commission took it to the Equality Court. In July 2017, Judge Dimpheletse Moshidi ordered Masuku to make an “unconditional apology”. The judge referred to Masuku’s comments as “in essence … made to instil detestation, enmity, ill-will, and malevolence towards Jews in South Africa. It is distinct advocacy of hatred – nothing else.”

Masuku still refused to apologise, took the matter on appeal, and actually won.

The point is that we want a real apology, an unconditional apology from those who apparently hate us and make venomous statements to and about us. Ordering them to do it won’t work. Unless people are educated, and genuinely find a way to change their opinion, they can’t actually give a heartfelt apology. Perhaps we are going about this the wrong way.

Rather than having judges force people to say sorry, we should be finding ways to teach those particular folk who despise Israel and the Jewish people the truth.

I’m always amazed at how South Africans who have firm beliefs – often negative – go on trips to Israel with a communal organisation, and return with very different views.

When you see things for what they really are, without the blinkers provided by the anti-Israel lobby, it becomes hard to hate. It becomes hard to deny that Israel has rights, and isn’t always just bad.

Last week, we spoke to weatherman Simon Gear who had just returned from a trip to Israel. He didn’t suddenly think Israel was angelic, but he had a deeper understanding of the real issues at play.

This week, we spoke to Twitter king @Sowellnomics, whose views have changed drastically.

How I wish people like Ehrenreich and Masuku could visit Israel and see for themselves. It doesn’t take that much, just a willingness to keep an open mind. My sense is that you wouldn’t then have to order them to apologise, as they would see that the truth is quite different to their beliefs.

I’m always amazed at how people can hate Israel when they have never been anywhere near the country. They say things that are so far from the truth, and yet believe them so strongly, simply because this is a popular way of thinking.

Being anti-Israel in certain circles in South Africa is cool, and enhances the way others think of you. You are believed to be a human-rights activist because of widespread hatred towards Israel.

However, the truth is worth noting. It’s worth checking out the situation in the Middle East before making up your mind that Israel is the devil incarnate.

Shabbat Shalom!