‘Spanking is humiliating’ – but not all parents agree

MARGOT COHEN

Corporal punishment is outlawed in South African schools, but at home the jury is out on the subject with those in favour talking of a “loving spank” doing far more good than wrong and crying foul over “Big Brother” even trying to control the way parents bring up their children.

Bruce Noziac, deputy headmaster of King David High School Victory Park, says most parents are opposed to hitting their children. They often use the “time out” approach. A good hiding is discouraged as it is thought to be scarring and damaging. 

“Corporal punishment in schools was abolished ages ago,” says Noziac. “Many parents believe discussing contentious issues is a better way to enforce rules.”

Well-known educational psychologist, Lesley Rosenthal also believes there are better ways to discipline your child, other than spanking. “Humiliating them is, in my view, is certainly not the right approach. It is preferable to teach children the consequences of their actions and to offer them rewards if they comply.

“Give them choices and let them decide. For instance, they can watch TV if homework is completed, but not before. And it’s important to follow through the conditions.”

Grant Ravenscroft, a parent of two teenagers, says he does not smack his children although he believes that, in a way, modern parents are “probably way too soft”.

Some parents, especially older ones or grandparents who brought up children when corporal punishment was the norm and quite acceptable, maintain that the odd “klap” does no harm.

If a toddler puts his finger in a plug socket, says Rosenthal, one’s natural reaction is to smack his hand lightly to stop this happening again.

One parent who would only speak on condition of anonymity, said: “As I child, I was spanked often and locked up in my room as punishment. My mother, however, denies this completely. Yet I bear mom no ill will in spite of this legacy.”

Another parent says she and her spouse hit their sons quite often as they were unruly and naughty when they were small. “I don’t feel guilty about it either and I don’t believe it did them harm”, she claims.

Positive parenting, say the experts, includes praising children for completing tasks like tidying up and being considerate to family members.

Perhaps the yardstick should be: “Let the punishment fit the crime”, as the Gilbert and Sullivan song from the opera Trial by Jury suggests.

But it remains an emotional issue. “Spanking” conjures up an image of a loving light smack on the bum or hand, but unfortunately there are parents – and teachers – who would “beat the living daylights” out of a “naughty” or “disobedient” child. Legal protection seems to be the only option.

Horrifying stories from yesteryear’s abuse in schools, still abound and alas, have become somewhat of a macho boast among those whose memories have become very faint and selective.

It is true that a headstrong child can manage to drive the most patient of parents up the wall, itching to grab the first thing in hand to “spank” some sense into rebellious little behinds. But more and more child psychologists warn against long-term damage done by corporal punishment.