Stay or go? Parents of Masa youth face dilemma

From disbelief to shock to panic, the parents of South African kids on Masa Israel Journey Programmes have been through a gamut of emotions since the Hamas incursion on Saturday, 7 October. Most Masa Fellows are, for now, staying on their programmes, which are continuing in constant consultation with the appropriate Israeli authorities, while others are coming home.

Offering immersive international experiences in Israel for young adults between the ages of 16 and 35, Masa Israel Journey Programmes explore Israeli society, culture, politics, and history. In a statement issued this week, Masa said that led by their chief security officer, it was closely monitoring the situation to ensure the utmost well-being and safety of its fellows.

“A small number of fellows chose to leave Israel for the time being, and we respect their decision. However, no Masa programme has been cancelled or closed due to the situation. We’re continuously monitoring the situation, and remain prepared to evacuate more fellows if necessary.”

The parents of children who are remaining in Israel say many simply want to stay and feel safe knowing that Masa is prioritising their security. “They want to do something to help, and don’t want to leave their [Israeli and international] friends behind,” says one anonymous mother. “Probably 85% to 90% of my daughter’s group have stayed, even kids whose parents want them home are refusing to come back.” Most are 18, and recently finished school.

Half of her daughter’s programme has been relocated to a kibbutz, says the mother. “Many parents have left their kids there so that they can help the country, thus the volunteering at kibbutzim.”

A father who wishes to remain anonymous, says his 22-year-old son is remaining on his Masa ulpan, working on a kibbutz in the Galil. “The area has so far been isolated from the immediate fighting,” he says. “We didn’t even discuss it, he’s just staying. He’s in a good emotional space and he’s fine physically. Obviously, it’s not so easy if you’re in the firing line, and my son is making provisions so that if there any issues, he’ll have some backup.”

The father says he’d rather his son was in Israel in a safe area than in South Africa sitting on his phone watching events unfold there. “He’s in Israel for another five months, and then will decide on his next move,” he says. “He’s growing in leaps and bounds, experiencing things he wouldn’t otherwise. Nobody wants the current experience, but the general experience of interacting with people of his own age in a good, healthy environment has been great.”

However, all the South Africans on the Habonim Shnat gap-year programme are due to return to South Africa in coming days by mutual agreement between their parents. Sarah*, a mother who wishes to remain anonymous, says her 18-year-old daughter, Batya*, will be among them. “We won’t breathe properly until she’s here. It’s stressful, you just have to take it bit by bit.”

The group are staying put in Tel Aviv and have been in and out of bomb shelters over the past few days. “Though we were shocked and stressed when it began, Batya coped quite well,” says Sarah. “She started to get a little overwhelmed on Sunday when they started getting bombarded by images and videos, especially of those young people at the music festival.”

For Batya, part of the appeal of the programme was the freedom it offered in terms of travelling around, and she no longer feels that sense of safety. “It’s near the end of the programme, and I also felt like unless they’re doing something to help, they’re extra people who need to be looked after,” Sarah says.

Judith Cohen, whose son Jacob, 19, is also on the Shnat programme, agrees. “Israelis don’t need my child to worry about. G-d forbid, if something were to happen to him, he’d be using Israeli resources that could be used for soldiers. He can do more for Israel being back in South Africa by speaking about his experience, supporting the friends he’s made in Israel, and preparing for camp.”

Cohen’s older son, Tivon, has just completed his first year at Reichman University in Herzliya, and is with his family in Cape Town. Although he was due to fly back to Israel next week, he’s staying put for now. “All his friends there are being called up,” she says, becoming emotional. “He already has a friend who has been killed. It’s difficult for him not being there.” She says through Tivon’s constant updates from friends, the family is aware of the seriousness of the situation, which is why they’re bringing Jacob home.

“The Shnat programme has lots of support in place, and parents are constantly being assured that their kids are safe,” says Cohen. “Jacob’s a proud and passionate Shnattie. He’s so committed to the movement. Initially, he felt disbelief that this incredible year that he’s dreamt about is going to be cut short. He’s been through multiple emotions.”

Single mother Deanne Herson was determined that her son, Jayden, who was on a Masa grant at Mayanot Yeshiva in Jerusalem, come home immediately. “I contacted him, but it was still yomtov here so he wouldn’t answer there,” she says. “It was terrible when I couldn’t get hold of him.” Through the South African Zionist Federation, she managed to find out that her son was safe.

“He didn’t want to come home, but I was so neurotic, I said that I would arrange for him to fly home straight after yomtov,” she says breaking down. “The Zionist Federation booked the ticket for me because I was in such a state. I organised a private taxi to take him straight to the airport as soon as yomtov came out. On his way there, there was a rocket flying very close to where he was.”

Her relief at welcoming Jayden home is palpable. “I’ve been so emotional. It’s been terrifying on this side,” she says. “My son is torn. He feels guilty that he’s left his friends and he’s the only one so far that’s left the yeshiva. He says he wasn’t nervous in Jerusalem at all. I feel that we got him out at the right time.” Before he got on the plane, Herson promised her son that he could return to the yeshiva once things settled down.

Tarryn Friedman, 26, who is a Masa teaching fellow at a school in Haifa, also returned home soon after the Hamas incursion. Though it was quiet in Haifa, she jokes that she came home because of her “very stressed Joburg Jewish mommy”. Yet her parents left the decision in her hands.

Friedman says most of her colleagues booked flights home because they were worried that the fighting would move to the north closer to where they stay, and that flights may be difficult to come by. “I left everything there because I plan to go back,” she says.