The day we became adults

To have adult children is to know that though you are expected never to make a wrong decision, you always will. It’s to know when to treat them like the strong independent people they are, and when to metaphorically dab their brows, say “open wide”, and “airplane” cough mixture into their petulant mouths. All while humming something from Mary Poppins about a spoonful of sugar making the medicine go down.

I might have mentioned the time when my 20-something-year-old son asked me when he would feel like an adult. A question I had no definitive answer to, and that I put to listeners. Answers included suggestions like filing the first tax return, getting married, having a child, and hosting the first Shabbat meal.

I’ve come to think that we grow up when we can see our parents for who they are. And not for who we want them to be. We become adults when we accept that they do both brilliant and stupid things, and that they make both inspired and terrible decisions. It’s also around realising that no matter how old they are, there are times when they, too, would love to be read a bedtime story that ends in the same predictable way each time.

Israel supporters experienced adulthood on 7 October 2023. It was the day that went off script and when the story took a terrible turn. It was a day of stark and painful recognition that Israeli intelligence could fail, that prior decisions – like the disarming of individuals in the Gaza envelope – could have consequences. It was also the day that the sophisticated border was able to be breached. It was a day that elucidated that enemies had weaponised a generation with hatred and rage so intense, they were willing to perpetrate the unthinkable.

It was a day when our generation of Jews was forced into adulthood.

What has exacerbated this is that Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu had long branded himself as the “protector”. Unafraid to challenge global leaders, to take on Iran at the United Nations, and to demand what was needed for Israel’s security, he couldn’t have projected more of a “dad” image if he tried.

If that wasn’t challenge enough, the 11 months post October have shown success, but also further failure. Netanyahu has had to balance an increasingly hostile world with a hostile and angry voter base. He has struggled to handle the relationship with the hostage families particularly well. He has also underestimated the deadly and sophisticated enemy waging war on the mainstream media and social media fronts. He has largely avoided answering questions posed by the Israeli press, and avoided directly acknowledging responsibility.

He has also done some things right. He has remained steadfast, supportive of the Israel Defense Forces, resolute regarding the threat of Iran, and has stood firm when pressured by the United States. He has also withstood allegations that he wishes to prolong the war, that his priority is his political career, not the people of the country. He has also been accused of not caring about the hostages, which is one of the allegations that are amplified by a social media battalion trained in psychological warfare.

The reality is that he is neither all good nor all bad. He has strengths and weaknesses. He is a human with flaws. And my belief that he should resign and call for an election doesn’t change that.

The transition to adulthood is rarely easy. And rarely linear. But if 7 October has taught us anything, it’s that failure to do so can be deadly. As much as we would love to be read a story and be tucked into bed, the reality is that growing up is the only way we might stand a chance of living happily ever after.