The letter nobody wants but all should read

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The following letter was sent to the South African parents of olim in Israel. SAJR Online has obtained permission from the writer to share it, but, for obvious reasons, we have blanked out all of the names.

Dearest Mom and Dad,

Feeling heavy-hearted, said goodbye to XXXXX about an hour ago. Nothing in my life could have ever prepared me for the way I am feeling right now.

He came home last night with specific written instructions from XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX. From this moment on their family/ parents are the Security Forces. They have information about each child down to the very last detail even down to details ie re the family in SA, when he was last in SA and what the occasion etc. They know what we do, where we work (or don’t work) etc etc etc. They told him exactly what to do – each child given clear written instructions how to get to the base this morning ie leave home at certain time, which train to take, what time, which connecting bus to take leaving at specified time, arriving at a specified time. Their phones are handed in on entry into base and they are designated an hour per day in the evenings to get their phones to call home. Under no circumstances can they carry their phones with them on base. They are not allowed to take any pictures, upload them onto any network whatsoever or talk about anything that they are doing. 

XXXXXXXXXX came to inform us that his life will now be divided up as BEFORE THE CALL UP and AFTER…

He said that if he has been used to coming home every day and sharing his day with all of us, it won’t be happening any more – no communication except to report his state of health and that he is ok.

Went to fetch XXXXXXX from the Scouts and got XXXXXXX from the train and went out for the LAST supper. For the first time in my life, found myself left with nothing to say – kind of a feeling that you raise a child from nothing, train them and guide them, show them and help them. Teach them to communicate and to identify right from wrong, try and give them a true base and train them for life  – all this while feeling that we have a lifetime ahead of us and that we will be building this relationship forever. And then one fine day, he is taken away from us at seemingly such short notice. Start thinking back that he was preparing for this day always, he always believed in excellence, striving to reach above, paying heavy prices for taking the right road in life even though tough at the time.

And then I also realise how thankful I should be feeling for the extra two years that I was given as a present when he lived at home while studying – while all his friends left for their army service. He was given extra quality time with us in preparation for the future. He invested himself in our family as a whole and each one of us separately, training, communicating, talking openly, giving advice and mainly, giving of himself  like I have never seen or experienced in anyone.

He got to his basic training and his officers in charge couldn’t get enough of him. They were all coming up to him yesterday asking him for his phone no. and begging him to be in touch with each one of them, saying that they want to follow his development as they know he is going to succeed and they want to feel part of the nachat and that they already feel part of his process!!!!

They all knew him by name as he walked through the gates on the very first day and even the officer’s in charge approaching him all the time to ask his opinion. As they are not allowed to consult with the soldiers while during basic training, we found some of his officers knocking on our front door on Friday afternoon when he came home in order to get a chance to talk to him, out of sight of their officer’s in charge!!

And so I sobbed after seeing him off at the train station this morning. My life will never be the same and all that I had left to say to him was: Go with your gut feeling and am left praying that he will always remember what we taught him and feel the love we feel for him, experience the deep connection we have with him and may G-d be with him always.

He said that he is completely at peace with the path he is taking and the price is small to pay in comparison with what he is gaining. I agree.

At the end of the day, feel so proud – proud that we are living our lives in Israel, proud that we have raised such quality children, proud the our children – each and every one of them – ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE.

Feel some kind of relief having shared with you this morning and have this feeling that I have put my head on your shoulders for a few minutes to get some TLC from my very special parents and from you XXX. Feel thankful to have you both with us and also that we have the relationship we do – that we are there for one another. Feel thankful to have XXX by my side to wipe away my tears and to help pick up the pieces. 

Now feel able to put this all behind me and am gaining strength to carry on with what lies ahead. Mom and Dad, you have done it countless times and have no doubt that I will do it too.

Lots of love – Forever,

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