The perennial matric dance debate

SUZANNE BELLING

There has been a debate in the media and on social media about whether these dances are necessary or should perhaps be banned. Those in favour say that the matric dance is the occasion which transforms a girl into a woman or a boy into a man; that these dances mark the stepping out of schoolchildren into the world and gives them their first experience as “grown-ups”.

Does the competitiveness in dress (the boys are not excluded with their designer shirts and suits) weigh heavily on parents who cannot afford these extravagances? Does it leave the matric learners feeling left out in these cases?

“It is mainly in the private schools where the parents splash out. It is a memory for the rest of their lives,” said Ashleigh Elad whose daughter is now studying medicine and whose son was a top achiever at Crawford. She feels even the parents who are stretched should save and make an effort for this metamorphosis.

“If they cannot afford top designers, there is no harm in buying a lovely dress from a boutique. The dresses or suits do not necessarily have to be designer clothes.”

But she admits she and her friends went to expense and trouble to provide clothes for the dance itself and the after party. “The custom is to purchase a long dress for the dance and a short one for the after party.”

Regarding the helicopters and limousines, she felt it was important for the matriculants to make an entrance but only in this lavish fashion if the parents were wealthy enough to afford it.

“Some people think it’s a waste, but there are ways and means for a child not to feel left out. All eyes are on the children the night of the matric dance.

“When the King David dance was held at the Sandton Sun in previous years, parents used to camp out to see their children dress up. Now that the dance is held in the Sandton Shul hall, there is usually a before party at a mansion owned by one of the parents. Everyone is invited, so the parents can go there to see their children.”

She said her son “looked like a prince and my daughter a princess. But, if there is a financial problem, there is still nothing preventing parents from buying a suit at Woolworths.”

Patsy Bagraim, whose children matriculated from Herzlia High School, did not go to outlandish expense for her daughter or son. “But my daughter still looked beautiful and my son very handsome.”

Patsy belongs to a breakfast club which feeds underprivileged children at Good Hope Seminary Primary School.

“Young children leave home at 05:30 and need to eat. We feed them and I would rather have done that than spend thousands of rands on the matric dance. My children agreed with me. Still, they looked like a million dollars.

“I don’t believe in so much extravagance when there is so much poverty, even though Herzlia is generous with its tzedakah.

“When my kids get married, they will have to elope,” says this parent who has spent her money on the less fortunate, with a chuckle.

Even in the government schools, when it comes to matric dances, parents overspend. However, one mother who did not wish to be named, whose daughter is a former head girl, said she borrowed a top from a colleague in fashion, which her daughter wore with a long skirt.

“It was perfectly acceptable – and she had to dance with the principal.”

The religious schools, however, do not have matric dances, but valedictory evenings or dinners for the matrics – separate functions or with a mechitza in the hall. With boys and girls being separated, there is not the same level of competition for the best dresses or suits.

Nevertheless, these matrics are conscious of looking their best on this important night