‘We construct our reality in which we thrive’

True freedom can be found in your own mind, and the key to unlocking it is in your pocket. No matter how dire life may be, every one of us has the potential to construct a reality in which we can not only survive, but flourish.

This was the message of hope offered by Dr Edith Eva Eger this past Sunday in a unique online interview hosted by the South African Jewish Board of Deputies. A renowned psychologist and author, the 92-year-old Holocaust survivor spoke to CapeTalk presenter Africa Melane, sharing powerful insights into the capabilities of the human mind in the face of adversity.

“There are no problems in our world, only challenges made to be overcome,” said Eger. “So often, we say things like ‘I always’ or ‘I never’. You can’t speak that way, because reality can change. If you focus on something, the chances are it will turn out that way. You have that ability.”

Born in Hungary, Eger was a teenager when she and her family were sent to Auschwitz in 1944. Although both her parents perished, she miraculously survived the horrors of the infamous death camp with her sister, Magda, going on to marry and emigrate to the United States.

Said Eger, “I call Auschwitz an opportunity to discover something you never thought possible. When we were in the cattle car, my mother said, ‘We don’t know where we’re going or what will happen there, but remember that no one can take from you what you have in your mind.’

“My mother taught me the power of thinking. What we think, we create.”

Eger implemented her mother’s teaching upon arrival at Auschwitz, when she was forced to dance for the infamous Angel of Death, Dr Josef Mengele, who would decide whether she should live or be sent to the gas chamber.

“When I looked at Dr Mengele, I saw those eyes looking at me,” she recalled. “I closed my eyes and pretended I was hearing Tchaikovsky and was dancing in Romeo and Julietat the Budapest Opera House. I prayed that I wouldn’t go to the gas chamber, but I also escaped with my mind in that moment. I discovered how to use my mind.

“I turned hatred into pity. I decided the Nazis were prisoners, not me. I saw them as brainwashed and believed that someday, they would pay for their sins. I created a world they couldn’t touch.”

This was the first of numerous lessons Eger would learn from her time at Auschwitz. In spite of the daily horrors which surrounded her, she learned how to overcome the brutality of her reality and find opportunity in every moment of every day.

“Auschwitz gave me opportunities to discover,” she said. “Yes, it was terrible, and I will never forget what happened to me. I have nightmares until today, and will never really overcome what happened.”

“Still, I came to terms with it, and call it my cherished wound. I saw that people who were only for themselves never made it. My curiosity, just like my faith, helped me survive. I found my inner strength at Auschwitz, and it helped me to discover how we can rise above the ‘me’ and commit ourselves to each other. All we had was each other.”

Eger also maintained her faith in spite of her privation.

“G-d has given me love, joy, passion, and purpose,” she said. “My G-d was with me in Auschwitz. Some people ask where he was during the Holocaust, but he was with me. I was told I’d never get out alive, that I was subhuman. But my G-d cared for me.”

Eger applied her lessons to the reality of COVID-19, which she believes highlights the importance of connecting with others.

“People truly empower each other,” she said. “You can be you and I can be me. We are all beautiful loving children of G-d made to help one another.”

At the same time, however, she stressed that our circumstances also teach us the need for self-care.

“This situation gives us a chance to take stock of ourselves and our own lives,” said Eger. “The more we depend on others to make us happy, the less chance we have of being happy.”

As we cope with the unexpected, we have been given an opportunity to rediscover who we really are.

“Life is like Shakespeare,” said Eger. “You get a role with an expectation. My mom said I had brains and no looks, and that my sister was the beautiful one. When we had our heads shaved, we looked identical. Magda asked me what she looked like, and I told her that I could finally see how beautiful her eyes were now that her hair wasn’t covering them.

“We often base our self-worth on what others say, and forget who we are. Self-love is self-care. It’s not narcissism.”

Eger hopes that imposed isolation and lockdown have afforded people an opportunity to reflect on who they really are and their life’s purpose.

“This is the time to regroup, reconsider, and reflect,” she said. “We get to decide who we really are. When I lived through Auschwitz, I decided that I wasn’t a victim. That wasn’t my identity. I continued to tell myself that I was a human being, not subhuman or a cancer to society. G-d saved me for a purpose, and I needed to be me.

“I ask people to talk to themselves and ask themselves if what they’re doing is working,” Eger said. “It’s good to have a goal to follow and an arrow to direct you. Life is short, every moment is precious, and you need to know who you are.”