Westpark memorial stone mitzvah warms hearts around the world

Back in 2014, Johannesburg Jewish community member Mike Said was visiting the cemetery when an idea came to him that was so simple yet so powerful that it has reverberated around the world. He offered to place memorial stones on graves for people who couldn’t do so.

Said does this mitzvah every year before yom tov in memory of his mother. He was unable to do it for the past two years because of the pandemic, but is restarting the project this year.

“I’m 60 years old, and grew up and live in Johannesburg. I lost my own mom [who died at 48] when I was 23, to leukaemia. It was only when I turned 48 that I realised just how young she was, how much she had missed out on, and how much of her life still lay before her. Like so many others, my life has been touched by loss and tragedy. Each visit to the cemetery reminds me how fortunate I am, and that there’s no time like the present,” he says.

It was while he was visiting Westpark Jewish Cemetery that he began to type on Facebook, “I realise there must be so many people unable to visit [graves] because of time or distance. It would be my privilege to do this on your behalf. If you would like a grave visited, a stone placed, a message or prayer said, please send me a message with as much detail as possible. I do this in memory and honour of my late mother, Sheina Chaia.

“Within a few seconds and for days afterwards, the responses poured in,” he says. “Heartfelt requests for assistance, messages of gratitude, offers of assistance and encouragement. Some written in disbelief, some with offers of payment, and some of the most touching stories I have ever read.

“With a little help from friends, I began to compile a list. Next was a call to the Chev [the Chevrah Kadisha] to try to find the grave numbers. And so this little mitzvah took on a life of its own. The requests kept coming, volunteers were offering assistance, and I knew this was going to be an annual event.”

When his alarm went off at 05:00, “I suddenly realised that I hadn’t seen a sunrise with my mom in more than 30 years. I packed my camera and headed to Westpark. This gave me a chance to take some beautiful images and start the day off as I was planning to finish it, at my mom’s grave. I also visited family members: my late bobba and zaida, and my cousin, Michael, who was tragically taken from us.

“My next call was to the children’s section of the cemetery to visit four graves. It was something I wanted to do personally and not ask anyone else to do. It was an emotional experience, and by the time I left, there were simply no more tears to shed.”

He and his supporters then split the cemetery into sections, “and armed with phone cameras, stones, lists, prayers, and special requests, we headed out. I have no idea what I expected, but it was just remarkable. It was spiritually uplifting, deeply meaningful, and personally fulfilling. We stopped at each grave, placed a stone, read a prayer, and checked to see if there were any special requests. By 13:00, we had visited more than 100 graves. Just before leaving, a few more requests came in and I headed off to find the last few.”

As Said got in his car, he received a last message in an email from Australia. “To my amazement, it was from one of my best friends in high school to visit the grave of his late father. On the way to the final grave, I passed the grave of the father of one of my best friends in primary school. I stopped at both, took pictures, laid stones, said prayers, and headed home, smiling inside and out.”

He has continued the project every year. “When the numbers are high, there are always people that help. Some years I simply go alone.” He emphasises that “it’s no effort at all, it’s simply something I do. In fact, it has become a part of my year that although emotionally difficult, is something I look forward to doing.”

“People are simply amazed, which is a little sad in its own way,” Said says. “Have we become so closed-off that a simple kindness from a stranger surprises us? If so, I want to be that stranger that makes your day or lifts your spirit. We could all use a bit of that.”

He says the Chev is helpful in locating the graves and “makes sure I have access and know where to go. It really is an unbelievable organisation, and it’s only when you visit other cemeteries that you realise just how much work it does to keep the cemetery running and looking so good.”

He’s inspired by others, like “people who visit the cemeteries in small towns around the country. My friend, Julian Rod, always visits with me and then still makes time to ensure any graves in Cape Town are visited.”

The project brings up a range of emotions. “First, I’m immensely grateful that I’m able to do this. I’m fit and healthy, and am able to set aside the time and resources. The other emotions are a tinge of sadness as I read the messages that come in from around the world. I think there’s some sadness, regret, and guilt in some that have emigrated, but I completely understand and am just happy to help.

“The day itself can be emotional: visiting graves of people I know, family members and friends is never easy. The hardest part is the visit to the children’s section. Seeing the tiny graves, the dates, and the messages always leaves me in tears. But even for that I’m grateful as it reminds me that I’m alive and have so much to be thankful for!”

His advice to anyone who wants to do mitzvot but doesn’t know where to start is to “start somewhere close. There are so many people that could use a little kindness, a little encouragement, perhaps some small financial assistance. Many of us don’t have the financial means to make a big difference, but we can give of our time and skills to make a huge difference in the world.

“Do something today, in fact right now as you finish reading this. Phone a friend, visit someone, make a donation to charity, pay for someone’s bread and milk as you stand in the line at the supermarket. Don’t wait to be thanked, don’t do it for any other reason than the fact that you can. Random acts of kindness go much further than you’ll ever imagine.”

He hopes that one day, when he can no longer do this, “a new team of volunteers will carry on this mitzvah. Not for themselves and not for me, but for hundreds of strangers they have never met and may never meet, to whom this means so much.”

To request a grave visit, email mike@mikesaidwhat.co.za or fill in the form at https://tinyurl.com/visits2022