What it’s like to be home alone under lockdown

TALI FEINBERG

“Pesach seders were hard and sad, being alone. Shabbos is also hard. Lighting candles and eating alone isn’t easy, but I get through them,” says Hazel Lerman. “I used to lead a frenetic life. Slowing down took a while, but I’m really enjoying less ‘noise’ and chaos. I miss face-to-face interaction terribly, but my friends have been amazing, and check in regularly.”

Lerman is 58, and has lived alone in Sandton since the lockdown began. She has high blood pressure and a history of seasonal asthma. If she had known how long we would have been in lockdown, she might have had her mother move in with her. However, she is soldiering on as a party of one.

“I’m coping far better than I expected as an extrovert and ‘busy bee’. I have been working from home, so I’m busy all day,” Lerman says. She is divisional executive of customer relations for Liberty. “I have had to be intentional about my mindset, accepting that I can’t control everything, but I can control the way I react and act. I have made an extra effort to check in on friends and family as well as my team.”

She believes that “resilience is in all of us, but we have different coping abilities. The early days of lockdown were hard as I wasn’t well. I also went into lockdown really disappointed as I was supposed to participate in the Jerusalem Marathon as part of team DL Link on 20 March. When that was cancelled, I felt deflated, and that I had let all my donors down. However, DL Link still benefited and please G-d, we’ll do the marathon when we’re able to.”

To keep even busier, Lerman registered for a course through the University of Cape Town, which she has just completed. “I also participate in many more shiurim than previously. My mom is up the road, and I miss spending time with her. I see her from the bottom of the stairs once a week when I drop off supplies. I spend so much time online that I find my eyes are strained so I listen to audio books and podcasts.”

She realised early on that she had to have a routine. “I get up as normal, get dressed, and work. Later, I have dinner. Afterwards, I spent time on my studies when I was doing the UCT course. I haven’t been good about breaks, as most meetings start and end at the same time. I make sure that I prepare three healthy meals a day. My kitchen has never been used this much!”

She goes out only once a week. “When Builders Warehouse opened, I went there to get all the things I needed after noticing how much had to be fixed while spending so much time at home! I also went wool shopping for my mom, who is knitting hundreds of beanies for the Angel Network.”

“Of course I have some down days,” she says. But she also sees lockdown as a blessing. “I’ve connected with people on a different level, slowed down, dealt with the guilt of not being all things to all people, been able to do good for others, read books, enjoyed lazy Sundays on the couch, and completed a course and did really well. I have learnt so much about myself, life, and Judaism, as well as which mop works best, how to vacuum a stairwell, and how to mow the lawn!”

She feels supported by the community. “I’m incredibly privileged to be a part of the South African Jewish community. The rabbis have gone above and beyond to ensure we all have so much to be part of, and organisations have cared for us in spite of difficult times.”

Tracey-Lee Dogon is 60, and lives in a flat in Cape Town. She has lived alone for the past 14 years. She has no co-morbidities, but has chosen to isolate herself since lockdown began.

An extramural music teacher at Herzlia Highlands Primary, she receives no salary other than what she can generate through these lessons. Thankfully, many parents have chosen to continue during lockdown.

“My work keeps me sane. I’m blessed to be able to continue giving singing and recorder lessons online, and to have created a musical programme for the children I teach. It adds value to their day, and huge value to mine.”

Routine also helps: “I wake early, do household chores, and care for my cat. I chat to friends, have breakfast, and prepare my teaching, which starts after 12:30 when the kids are finished their schoolwork.

“Before I teach, I make sure I’ve created new musical exercises for the kids to sing. I WhatsApp reminders to my pupils’ parents, most of whom are under immense pressure. I then send the exercises to the pupils or parents. I also research new songs, downloading and printing lyrics for songs that the kids have asked to learn.”

She hardly goes out. “I sometimes fetch a box of fresh vegetables and Shabbos food from my daughter, who lives down the road. She is as strict as I am regarding the COVID-19 protocol – if not more so. My groceries are delivered from the local Spar. On Sundays, I drive up the West Coast to exercise my horse. Horses are a lifelong passion, and I have a permit to do so. It’s the highlight of my week!

“I miss family gatherings with my daughter and her husband, three granddaughters, and my daughter’s in-laws, with whom I am very close. We used to spend every Shabbos together. I miss my daughter dreadfully. Sometimes, when I’m fetching food, we chat by her door, three metres apart, in masks.

“I speak to my older sister almost every night, and we prepare supper ‘together’, chatting, peeling vegetables, exchanging recipes, and doing the washing up. She’s in Ireland with her husband, and her support has been invaluable. I think the closeness to my siblings has been incredibly comforting and a major blessing.”

She feels supported by those who continue to send their children to her for lessons, and asks that parents “keep up extra-mural school activities if you possibly can, and encourage your kids to participate in pre-lockdown activities. Without the faith of these many wonderful parents, I would have had absolutely no income at all. I’m deeply grateful to them as well as to their kids.”