What would the aliens say?

I often sit and stare at the vastness of the universe and wonder if we are alone in this world. Are there other living beings out there? If there are, what would these aliens think of us humans and the way we run our world; the way we treat each other; how we live our lives and the choices we make.

The human mind never ceases to amaze me. Irrationality and complexity often overshadow what seems to be simple and logical. An example is a battle most of us face on a daily basis – our health.

Most of us acknowledge that our health is a precious, irreplaceable gift. So why then do so many people smoke when they know it can kill them? Why do people avoid exercising and choose to eat unhealthy foods when they know it could shorten their lives? It just doesn’t make sense.

A possible answer can be found in a psychological concept called cognitive dissonance. It’s a fascinating concept that describes the uneasiness people feel when two cognitions (thoughts), or a thought and a behaviour, contradict each other.

At its core, cognitive dissonance is about how people strive to make sense out of blatant contradictions that they have chosen in order to live lives that are (at least in their own minds) consistent, meaningful, and tension free.

It’s astonishing to watch the process at work. Intelligent people present as almost delusional in the lengths they go to justify their irrational behaviour.

Attempts to live with contradiction have been a significant dynamic during the global pandemic. When the facts clash with people’s needs, many choose to put their lives and the lives of others at risk.

So many adults have chosen to wear masks and social distance selectively and have justified their behaviour with a variety of irrational reasons. Some of these include having no comorbidities or being resigned to the “fact” that ‘’we are all going to get the virus anyway”.

So many parents have allowed their children to have play dates and sleep overs, and justify the decision by pointing out that their children need face-to-face interaction with peers to avoid emotional difficulties. Our need to avoid living in the discomfort of pandemic restrictions has led to irrational justification of dangerous behaviour.

How do we resolve this dilemma? Although it’s difficult to change thoughts and behaviour, it’s not impossible. First, it’s important to stop and honestly self-reflect.

Give thought to the contradictions that you have created rather than jumping immediately to self-justification that seemingly makes them acceptable. This can be very uncomfortable to do. Be forgiving with yourself if you have made mistakes. No one is perfect.

Take the time to ask yourself important questions like: why do I want to do this when I know it’s not safe? What am I needing? How am I trying to justify that this behaviour is ok? How can I meet this need or some of this need without threatening my health and the health of others?

I’m sure there are many frustrated and angry people who are inclined to reprimand others who they see or hear are engaging in “irresponsible” COVID-19 behaviour. However, the key is not to criticise.

If we continue to criticise people for not wearing masks or social distancing, it implies that they are selfish and careless, which immediately creates a situation of conflict. These will almost always lead to a defensiveness and reinforcement of living with their contradiction.

People are more likely to be open to messages from others who share their concerns in a constructive and non-judgemental manner.

There is no doubt that we are all facing very difficult times. However, the manner in which we confront this challenge is what ultimately matters. Will we sit and be thoughtful about the uncomfortable and painful contradictions we live with and change our behaviour? Or will we keep finding non-existent loopholes in the advice we get from the experts, which somehow allows us to do the pre-COVID-19 things that we have desperately missed doing.

I hope if aliens do land one day and ask if we listened to proven scientific, medical advice that could prevent so much physical and emotional suffering, that we will be able to look them in the eyes (or eye) and say that we made the more difficult but correct decisions.

• David Abrahamsohn is a clinical psychologist in Johannesburg.